


Pie and Moving Forward

by BlamScilesShipper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17309381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlamScilesShipper/pseuds/BlamScilesShipper
Summary: The long awaited sequel to Bacon and Morning Afters! Sorry it's been so long. John is being taken out of the medical coma he was in, and Dean and Cas have to decide what choice to make if he doesn't make it. Also, Callie has been told about the situation and Dean is not a happy camper.





	1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: Supernatural and its characters do not belong to me. This is the long awaited sequel to_ ** _ Bacon and Morning Afters _ **_. I had started this months ago and now I finally have the start up. There’s been a lot of feels lately and I love to write Destiel when I am baked. I’ve got a really good bestie. XD. There is still some angst, but it’s not nearly as bad as what it was before. So there’s that. I have no idea where this is going to take me, so we’re all along for the ride. Read at your own risk. ;)_ **

 

                                                          Pie and Moving Forward

                                                                      By Julia 

 

It had been a week since John had been put into the medical coma. Dean was the one who was power of attorney for cases like this, so he was the one who had to make the decision to keep him on life support if/when they took him out of the coma and he didn’t wake up on his own. They were currently at the house, Dean had had to take a night off from the hospital, and Jodie had said that she would stay with John so Dean would know if anything happened. Dean was at a loss as to what to do. He knew that John wouldn’t want to be kept alive by machines. That was something John had decided years ago after they lost Mary. It was just something Dean was having a hard time deciding. 

 

He was in the kitchen, they’d ordered in pizza and he was getting out paper plates and cups for drinks. Cas was with him, leaning on the counter, trying to give him space. They hadn’t really spoken much about what the plan was going to be if John didn’t wake up. They were going to take him out of the coma the next day. Dean had barely slept all week. He hadn’t left the hospital much in the last week. Dean cracked a beer and took a long sip. 

 

“What time did they say the pizza would be here?” Dean finally broke the silence. 

 

“We’ve got about twenty more minutes.” Cas told him, and he wondered if he could bring up the fact that John was going to be taken out of the coma. Cas wasn’t dealing so well with this, either. It was going to hurt like hell if they lost John, especially after they’d been through so much already. He moved to get a soda out of the fridge. “Dean… are we going to talk about this? I’m not trying to rush you into making any decisions… but we also know that Dad’s body accepted the heart. We have to talk about what happens if he doesn’t wake up.” Cas was still not really sure he understood how that worked, if John’s body had already accepted the heart, why he wasn’t out of the woods yet. 

 

Cas didn’t know what they would do if John was going to be passing on. He knew that Dean wasn’t ready for that. None of them were, but Dean was the last one who had been in John’s life the longest, now that Bobby and Ellen were gone. Cas grew quiet though as Claire and her girlfriend Julie came into the kitchen. She’d been hanging around, trying to be there for Claire. “Hey, girls.” Cas said, sharing a look with Dean that told him they’d talk more later when they could. 

 

Claire looked from Cas to Dean, wondering what they had been talking about. She assumed Grandpa John, but she also knew that they wouldn’t tell her if she asked. Claire reached to get some sodas for herself and Julie, as the doorbell rang early. She watched Cas go to get it, and Claire knew it was the pizza. She didn’t know what to say, and the tension in the room was high. Claire knew that was because of her father though, since he was the one who had to make the decision as to what to do. Then she decided to ask about Callie, if anyone had been keeping her informed. 

 

“Dad, have you talked to Callie about any of this? I’m not saying that she deserves the chance to put in her two cents.” Claire hastened to add, seeing the look on Dean’s face. “But you should be trying to let her in on any decisions.” Callie was a sister of Sam and Dean, no one had known about her until she spoke up. She was about Claire’s age. Callie seemed to be a good person, although Claire had only gotten to talk to her a few times. She didn’t think that she’d be allowed to get to continue to get to know her.

 

Dean wasn’t sure that he wanted to let Callie in on what they were being faced with. He sighed and ran his hand across his scruffy chin. Dean looked at her then, his green eyes wide. Hers were blue, it was so weird that she didn’t have the Winchester green eyes. It made no sense that she would, since she wasn’t one by blood, but it was still weird. “Dad never talked about her, how do we know that he didn’t have a fight with her and that’s why he never spoke about her? Dad’s a cop, he works a lot of hours, he could have been using the working late excuse to go and see her behind the family’s back.” Dean was really against this, and he didn’t know why. 

 

This is when Cas came in with the pizza, and Dean moved to get the paper plates and all for the pizza, also carrying over two two liters of Coke. Dean leaned out to kiss Cas on the lips, welcoming him home. Then he turned to Claire. “Go on and get Frankie and Jamie so we can eat.” He said, and she opened  her mouth to speak, but he shook his head. “No, Claire, none of that. We’re done talking about it. I will discuss this with your father and that’s it. No more.” As she walked out of the room with Julie, Dean sighed and leaned against the wall behind the kitchen table, knowing Cas was going to ask him what that had been about, and he also knew that Cas would take their daughter’s side.  

 

Finally, Cas found the voice to speak. “Ben’s with Jodi, she’ll bring him home when they’re done visiting with John.” Cas told him, his voice quiet, but not quite a whisper. He looked at Dean, who was being a stubborn man, he could tell by the look on his husband’s face. “Come on, what’s going on? There’s something going on, and you know it. You also know that I will bug you until you tell me.” Cas leaned out and took one of Dean’s hands, Dean trying to fight only a little. 

 

“Come on, Dean, just tell me. We’re all going through this process together. You should be able to tell me when something’s on your mind.”

 

He squeezed Cas’ fingers, and he wasn’t sure how to bring it up, especially because he knew that Cas was going to agree with Claire. Finally he sighed and spoke. “Claire thinks that we should call my sister and have her get to say goodbye to Dad, if in fact this is the end.” Dean said, surprising himself that he managed to get that out without crying. That was a bad sign, though, it meant that he might be accepting what might happen. Dean didn’t like that idea, he didn’t want to lose John in any way. Dean sighed again and let Cas pull him into his arms. 

 

“Dean, it’s okay. It will be okay. I know you don’t think so, but it’s gonna be fine eventually. You have a hard decision to make, and I know you don’t want to let Callie in because on some level, you don’t want to share the responsibility. You don’t even want to share it with Sam, but at least you know him, and he has put in the time with your dad. You don’t know if Callie has done the same.” Cas didn’t know what he was going to do if Dean didn’t agree with that. But Cas knew that it was true. He stroked Dean’s back in concentric circles, Dean liked that when he was upset.

 

None of what Cas was saying was good as far as Dean was concerned. “If he…. If he doesn’t..” Dean couldn’t get the words out, he was so upset and tears had filled his eyes. “I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t. Bobby, Ellen, my mom, I almost died…. Charlie died. It’s too much for one person to have to go through.” He was still crying when Julie and Claire came back in with the kids. Frankie immediately ran to Dean, Dianna following. She was getting to be a big dog. 

 

Frankie tugged on Dean’s pants leg, and he leaned down to look at her. “It’s okay, Daddy, Grandpa is going to wake up, I promise.” Dean looked at her, not at all sure what he was going to say to that. She put her arms around his neck and hugged tightly, and Dean knew in that hug she was telling him that she was okay with whatever might happen. Dean couldn’t believe how mature and precocious she was, Frankie definitely had her mother’s smarts. Dean didn’t exactly have brains, or at least, it was what he believed about himself. 

 

Dean hugged her back, and somewhere inside himself, he could feel what Frankie and Cas were saying, that they were going to all be okay. Dean lifted her in his arms. “Let’s eat, guys.” As Dean put Frankie on her booster seat, Cas was putting Jamie in his bouncy chair by the table with a bottle. The baby was to the stage where he wanted to feed himself, and so they had to settle him in with his bottle. He held it with his hands and feet. Chuckling, Dean looked at him, and then met Cas’ eyes. Maybe this really was going to be okay. 

 

The following day, Dean and Cas were at the hospital. Jo was babysitting Frankie and Jamie, they loved being around Laura, even if she was still too little to really play. Dean was expecting Sam to come, he’d wanted to be there to see if John was going to wake up when they took him out of his coma. Jodi had wanted to come as well, but then she said she couldn’t stand to see John like that, and to call her if he woke up. Dean was standing outside his father’s room, he was waiting for the nurses to say that they could come in. He and Cas were both wearing protective scrubs, to keep germs from getting John sick. He was still at risk of getting infection, and then he could get sick, or the body could reject the heart in some way, even though his body had already accepted it. 

 

He sighed, and sipped the last of the coffee they’d gotten on the way to the hospital. Claire and Ben were at school, but Claire had already sent Dean six ‘did he wake up yet’ texts. He had tried to tell her to stop texting, and they’d let her know when something happened. Dean finally spoke, his throat full of a lump. “Cas…. if Dad doesn’t wake up…. I’m doing what he wanted. I’m pulling the plug.” Dean didn’t like that that was what he had to do, but he also knew it was. John had seen too many people end up living on machines, and what with Dean had been through, he’d decided to be DNR.

 

Looking over at Dean, and taking his empty cup from him to throw away, Cas looked at him. “You… do you really..” He started to say, but Dean nodded, tears filling his eyes. Cas own eyes welled up, and he reached out to take Dean’s gloved hand, and he squeezed his hand. Before Cas could say anything more, Sam was walking up. He looked like hell too. Cas nodded at him, he couldn’t hug him just yet, he didn’t have the protective scrubs yet. Cas moved to hand the other ones they had to Sam so he could put them on. 

 

Sam put them on, a bit slowly and robotically. He wasn’t going to mince words. He knew that they were here to bury their dad. Laura was never going to know her grandfather. Sam looked at Dean, whose eyes were shining with unshed tears. Sam could feel his heart pounding in his chest. No matter how much preparing that he’d done in order to get ready for this, it still hurt. Sam also knew that Dean wouldn’t want him to hug him right now, and so Sam moved to stand next to Cas. He leaned to whisper to Cas. 

 

“He’s going to take him off the machines if he doesn’t wake up…. Isn’t he?” Sam asked, and Cas nodded. Sam let out a soft breath. He didn’t know what he was going to do, if that happened. Sam may have been semi prepared, but it was still his  _ dad _ . Sam wasn’t ready to lose him. He accepted the gloves that Cas handed him, and then they were told they could go in one at a time. It was decided that Dean would be the one who would go first. 

 

As he stepped inside, putting on his face mask, Dean had to see his father looking still and frail laying there in the hospital bed. He didn’t know what he was going to do if he had to really pull the plug. He went up to the bed, and looked at John. “I am… Dad, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You… you can’t die though, okay Dad? Please…. I can’t lose someone else.” Dean could feel his eyes welling up again and he did the best he could to hold them back. “Please, Dad. I know that you did the best you could with raising me and Sam. I know that you’re upset that Ellen is gone. We are too, that’s why we can’t lose you.”

 

A pregnant pause, and Dean started again. “Dad, you have grandkids that you have to live for. Frankie and Jamie and Laura are too young, they might not remember you. You have to wake up so that they can get to meet you.” Dean couldn’t stop crying now, and he was looking down at his father. He had been in Dean’s life for his whole life, he couldn’t lose him now. Yeah, he had worked a lot when Dean was growing up, and Bobby had had to help, but John had been doing his best by his children. Dean never forgot that, no matter how angry he’d gotten at his dad sometimes. John had only been trying to look out for him and Sam. 

 

As he was moving to go and leave the room, he heard his father’s voice say breathlessly, “Callie. I’m… I’m so glad that you’re here.” Dean looked in front of him, Callie was in protective scrubs and was waving at John and Dean from outside the door. Dean wondered who called her, and he stepped outside, so Callie could go in to visit John, and then he went to his husband and his brother. “Okay, who called her?” Dean asked, his tone cold and low. He wanted to yell but he didn’t want to disturb the ICU. 

 

Sharing a look with Sam, it was decided that Cas would take the lead on this. Cas knew who had called Callie, it was Claire. “Claire called Callie. Your daughter, whom you love, called her aunt and asked her to come and see her father before he might die.” Cas didn’t know how else to say that, and he knew that Dean was angry. “Don’t be angry at Claire. I told Claire I thought she should call Callie. She deserves to be here, Dean. We don’t know what happened, and she still deserves to be here for her father.” Cas knew that Dean should understand that, he’d had his family with him when it had been Dean in that bed. 

 

“You’ve never had to deal with something like this before. You had your family around when it was you that was dying. You have to give that chance to Callie now. Even if you don’t like it, even if you don’t want to do it.” 

 

The quiet was deafening. Dean stood there, looking at his husband and with a glance at Sam now and then in the next five minutes. It felt like a half an hour. Dean folded his arms, he wanted to make sure that they knew that he was pissed off about this. “I can’t… this was my decision to call her or not, because it’s my decision to take him off the ventilator or not. Which, by the way, he is awake. I shouldn’t tell you, you’re being incredibly hard and stubborn right now.” Dean watched this news light up their expressions briefly. Dean stepped a step back. “If this wasn’t my father, I would leave right now. I won’t leave you again, Cas, but I also don’t want to stand here with either of you right now, either.” 

 

Sam sighed. “Dean, we called her because she had a right to know. If Dad was dying, she deserved the chance to get to make things right with Dad, whatever that might entail.” Sam honestly was glad that Claire had called her, she did belong here. Sam sighed. He looked at Dean, not really sure what else to say. He knew that Dean wasn’t going to want to listen to any of it right now. Sam met Dean’s eye, and he could see the boiling anger there. “Look, Dean, I’m…. you aren’t the only one dealing with this! We all are. Callie is our sister, she deserves to be here just as much as we do, no matter how she came into the world.”

 

They were at a stalemate again, and Cas wasn’t sure what to say again. He bit his bottom lip carefully, and he wondered what was going to happen. Dean had said that John was okay, so Cas asked about John. “So he woke up?” Cas asked, breaking the silence. They both looked at him, but Dean nodded. Cas let out a breath, that was a good sign. Nurses and doctors moved past him to get inside John’s room to do his vitals and check on him since he’d woken up. 

 

Dean folded his arms. “I’m going to talk to the nurses about Dad. Since I’m the emergency contact. You both get out of here. Go get some coffee, text Ben and Claire and let them know that their grandfather is awake.” His tone was ice cold, and he wanted them to know how angry he was at them. “We hadn’t made a decision about Callie yet, and you went ahead and let Claire call her. I told you I didn’t want to her to be here. Now I’m not trying to say that I’m the one who is in charge, but this wasn’t your decision!” That last part was louder than he’d meant it to be. 

 

A few nurses and people passing by stopped to look. Dean set his eyes on Cas and then Sam in turn. “You had no right to do that and then not tell me. We are not okay right now.” This last part was said deliberately and firmly. Dean glared at them one more time and then went into John’s room, to speak to the doctors and nurses. 

 

They both stood there a second more, and Cas looked to Sam. “I’m going to let Claire and Jodi know.” He said, his voice small and quiet. Sam nodded and Cas moved off down the hallway, his eyes filling with tears. He hadn’t seen Dean so angry in awhile. He was pulling out his phone to text Claire, and she was calling him. It must be lunchtime. Cas hit to answer. “Hey, Claire bear, your grandfather woke up.” He said, and she gave a happy squeal on the other end of the phone. Cas knew his voice was shaking, and then Claire noticed and asked him if he was alright. 

 

Then it all kind of came out. “Your dad’s really mad because I told you to call your aunt Callie.” He said, amd his voice shook hard as he spoke. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ve never seen him that angry before.” Cas was actually scared, he didn’t know what was going to get Dean to calm down. Cas knew he was the one who was right, because Callie  _ did _ deserve to be here. But Dean was a stubborn Winchester, and he knew that that could equal up to bad.

 

When he said that Dean was angry, Claire wasn’t surprised. “It’s gonna be okay, Daddy. Dad never stays mad too long.” She told him, toying with some of her long blonde hair. She was skipping geometry, she and Julie were going to make out under the bleachers. Maybe do more, she really needed to get her mind of all of this. Claire was already under the bleachers, waiting for Julie to meet her. “You and Dad are going to be okay, Daddy. You’re the one who is right. I know Grandpa wants Callie there. I just feel it. You just need to give him time to see, and adjust.” 

 

That was the advice to give, she was  _ sure _ of it. 

 

Taking this all in, Cas said, “I really hope that you’re right, honey.” He was quiet a bit, trying to calm down, and then he told her he would update her later, he was going to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat and give Dean some space. Then he hung up. Cas ran his hand through his hair, and the tears started to come for real. He stopped and sat down on a bench, he’d walked far enough from John’s room that Dean wouldn’t see him. Cas sat on the bench and buried his head in his hands, crying. He didn’t know what was going to happen with Dean and it was scaring the hell out of him. Cas knew that him being right wasn’t going to come into play until Dean finally realized it, and that was scaring him too. 

 

He couldn’t be losing Dean. He knew Dean had said that he wasn’t going to leave him again, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t. He’d actually wanted Cas to walk away. That was not a good sign. 

 

For the next couple of days, Dean slept on the couch, when he wasn’t at the hospital. He hadn’t spoken to Sam or Callie at all, and he was barely speaking to Cas. Dean knew that he had to broach the subject, he knew that they were right, even if he didn’t like it. He just wasn’t sure that he could right now. He was still so angry. At the moment, Cas had taken Frankie and Jamie to Sam’s, they were giving Dean some space, and Dean knew that Frankie wanted to see Laura, and Jamie would be happy when he saw Jo, he loved his aunt. 

 

Ben was with friends at the mall, and Claire and Julie were up in her room. Dean would have had a cow if Julie wasn’t a girl. But neither one of them could get pregnant, and he knew that if he wasn’t angry with Cas he’d be having sex with him as often as he could to relieve tension. So he got it if Claire was using sex as a stress release. Dean was on the living room couch, watching  _ Will & Grace _ on television. He had actually started to get into it, it was all Cas’ fault. That was when the doorbell rang, and Dean wondered who the hell that was. 

 

When he opened the door, he was shocked to see Callie standing there. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked, folding his arms tightly and glaring at her. 

 

Giving him a patented Winchester look back, Callie looked up at him. She wasn’t much older than Claire was, and she was about Claire’s height, not very tall. Callie leaned against the doorframe. “Because we need to talk, Dean Henry Winchester.” She said, John had told her that she should go over and make Dean talk to her. Callie wasn’t one for backing down from a challenge. “And I will have you know, Dad was the one who told me to come over here.” She knew that Dean knew that John wanted her to be there, and he was angry about that too. 

 

“Look, he’s my dad too, Dean. I know you don’t like that idea, but I am his daughter. He didn’t know about me till I was 14, and that was only three years or so ago.” She was almost 18. Callie brushed blonde hair off her shoulder. “He’s been talking to me off and on since then, we’re getting to know each other. I asked him not to tell you guys about me until we were sure that we were going to be in each other’s lives. I know that you have kids, and I didn’t want them to get attached. I was thinking about you and your family, Dean.”

 

All of what she was saying made sense, and Dean hated that it made sense. His nostrils flared as he thought over what she said, and he finally stepped aside so she could come in. She gave him a surprised look and stepped inside. Dean closed the door behind her and led her to the kitchen, getting out two sodas and handing her one. He cracked his open before he spoke. “Look, I know Dad wants you here. I may not like it, but I know it. I also don’t doubt for a second that he was the one who told you to come here.” 

 

This is when he paused, watching her as she opened her soda nonchalantly and watched him, waiting for him to continue speaking. “I…. I don’t know that I’m ready for you to be in my life. I know that it’s…. Dad told me what happened the other day. He told me that he didn’t know who you were. It’s…. I know that my initial gut reaction is wrong now. But that still doesn’t mean that I’m ready to adjust to the fact that I have a half sibling.” Dean had known that it was always a possibility, accidents happened, and John hadn’t exactly been a monk after Mary had died. “I also get that you’re trying to protect my kids. For the record, I’m not going to keep them from you. Cas wants you around, and they’re his kids too. I don’t have the right to tell him he can’t make decisions about his own kids.”

 

The fact that he seemed to be backpedaling was amazing to her. Callie had expected a lot more fight than this, but she had to admit, she was glad that he was on board. She would deal with him not being ready to know her yet. The fact that she was going to be able to get to know the kids and Cas was good enough for her. “You don’t have to be ready for me. I’m not expecting you to just jump to and be ready. But I want to get to know the kids and Cas. Sam’s ready for me to be his sister, and I really like Jo. You’re the only one who isn’t on board just yet. You don’t have to be. I just want to know that you’re open to the idea, Dean.” 

 

“I want to get to know you. You know that family is what matters to us. Whether you like it or not, we are family.” 

 

Before Dean could say anything, Cas arrived home with Frankie and Jamie. Frankie ran for the kitchen, and immediately went to Callie, Dean assumed that she had seen her aunt’s car in the drive. Dean met Cas’ eyes, and he knew that they needed to talk. “Cas, why don’t we let Callie spend some time with the kids for a bit because I need to talk to you for a moment.” Dean saw the look on Cas’ face, his eyebrows widened and while he looked nervous, he also had a hopeful look on his face. Dean took his arm and led him into the living room, and they sat down on the couch. Dean looked at him, and his eyes brushed with tears as he thought about what he was going to say. Dean had so much he knew that had to be said, and he also knew that he had to apologize to Cas for being so angry lately, he knew that Cas was the one who was right about all of this, even if he didn’t want to admit it. 

 

Taking one of Cas’ hands, he stroked circles on the back of Cas’ hand. “Look. I know that I’ve been freezing you out lately. I was… I was mad. I still kind of am, but hearing what Callie had to say…. I was already starting to realize that I was wrong, and she was helping me realize it even more. I’m not ready yet for her and I to start being in each other’s lives. But I have no right to keep you and the kids from getting to know her.” His eyes were starting to leak tears, and Cas reached up with his other hand to wipe them off. Dean looked away for a moment, even though he knew he didn’t have to. Cas had seen him like this before, it wasn’t news. Turning back to look at him, Dean cleared his throat, there was a lump in his throat. 

 

“I love you, Cas, and I know you’ve been scared that I was going to leave you. I’m not, okay? I told you I would never leave you again. I can’t live without you. And I know that you can’t live without me. So neither of us is going anywhere. Besides the fact that we have four kids who need both of their dads.”

 

Cas reached out to wipe tears off Dean’s face. John was out of the woods, he was going to be okay. That was at least something that they didn’t have to worry about anymore. “I love you so much, Dean. I wasn’t trying to hurt you by having Claire let Callie know. I just… it was her right to be there if she was losing her father. I’m sorry that I had to do it that way. I wanted to tell you, but I knew that you would react exactly as you did.” They both smiled at that, and Cas laughed a little through his tears. “You don’t have to start anything that you aren’t ready for. But you know that Dad wants her here. I think you ought to take that into consideration. He is trying so hard to make up lost time with her.” 

 

He and John had talked a lot about it when Dean wasn’t at the hospital, it had been an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t be there at the same time, even with Ben and Claire to keep an eye on the younger kids. Cas knew that it was because Dean had still been angry and had been trying to come to terms with everything. Cas was quiet a moment as he rejoiced over the fact that Dean was ready to make up. “I appreciate that you are letting me and the kids make our own choice. Frankie loves Callie, they have really bonded when they’ve been able to see each other.” 

 

While none of that was really what Dean wanted to hear, as the stubborn part of him was still insisting that this wasn’t the way to do it. But he knew that he had to work past that instinct. Dean leaned out to kiss Cas, deeply and slowly. It had been days since they’d kissed or touched each other. Dean cupped Cas’ jaw, slipping his tongue easily into Cas’ mouth, which caused his husband to groan. Dean pulled back to breathe, and he looked into those gorgeous blue eyes that reminded him of the sky. “I don’t have any right to tell you to not have her in your life. Or the kids. She said that family is what matters to us the most. And she’s not wrong, it is something that is the most important to our family.”

 

That was not something that he relished having to admit. Only because it made her right. “You can see her, you can get to know her. Maybe in time I’ll be ready too.”

 

Cas ran his fingers across Dean’s stubble on his jaw. He loved that Dean had some stubble. Cas liked him with some facial hair. He’d even gone so far before as to have a full beard. Cas was definitely a fan of that, with Dean’s flannel it made him look really rugged. “The important thing though is that Dad is going to be okay. We didn’t lose him. You are going to get to have your dad around for longer. That is the part to focus on. At least for you. You aren’t ready for other things and that’s fine. Be happy that you still get to have your dad.” Cas told him, and Dean’s eyes were filling with more tears, and they fell down his cheeks. Brushing them away, Cas leaned out and kissed some off his cheeks, and then his lips, softly. 

 

“We were prepared to let him go. And he’s here, and he’s fine. You didn’t lose him.” Cas knew that that was the part that Dean was still adjusting to. That his dad was going to be around. It was something that they were all glad about, and for some of them it was still sinking in. They were all going to be alright, and that was what Cas thought they should be focused on. “You of all people know how short life is. You almost died. But use that to help you be ready for your views to change.”

 

All of what he said was true. Dean knew that. It wasn’t something that he would admit easily, but it was something that he would admit. “I know.” He said, his tone soft and his voice shaking a bit. “I am still in awe that I get to keep Dad. And he’s using this to retire. There is still the chance that someone he put away will take him out, but he’s not going to be in danger every day, in the thick of it.” His voice was very quiet, it wasn’t something that he did, spoke so quietly. Dean was a lot like John. “I lost almost everyone else. I can’t…. I still can’t believe that Dad is going to be okay. I had really thought that I was going to have to go on without him.”

 

It was especially poignant for Dean because no one but John before Cas had understood what it had been like for Dean to lose a child. Dean knew that he and Cas were closer because of that. That they both knew what it felt like. John had been the only one that Dean could even talk about it with, which hadn’t been often. He wasn’t a talk about your feelings kind of person, and John wasn’t really either. It was only with the addition of Cas that they had really started to open up about things. 

 

Brushing more tears of Dean’s face, Cas said, “Let go, Dean. Just let go, relax. This is something that is good for our family. You are carrying so much, and I know that it’s going to be impossible to let it all go. And I don’t even remotely expect that. But start letting go of some of this stress. We are out of the woods for now. Start taking some pleasure in that.” 

 

Before he could say more, Dean’s mouth was on his, and he was pressing Cas back against the couch. Cas gasped against his mouth, but let him. When they broke for air he called out for Callie to keep the kids away from the living room, because this felt like it was going to lead somewhere. Cas moved with Dean, as his husband pressed his body against his, and Cas could feel his husband’s cock hardening. It had been too long for both of them, and Cas knew that Dean used sex as a coping mechanism, and since it was monogamous with his husband, Cas didn’t see why that was a bad thing. 

Dean unbuttoned Cas’ jeans, it would be easier and safer if they didn’t get fully naked. He pulled Cas’ cock out of its denim prison, and then worked his jeans off his ass, and using some of Cas’ precum as lube, he lowered himself onto Cas’ cock, and began to move his hips. They both gasped, and Dean braced himself on the back of the couch with one hand, and then leaned down to kiss Cas, his other hand moving with his husband’s on his own cock. Their long fingers moved together, and Dean groaned long and deep against Cas’ mouth. They both reached their climax then, and Dean moaned out Cas’ name and knew that they’d have to change clothes. 

 

This is when Ben walked in. 

 

_When the rain is blowing in your face_ _And the whole world is on your case_ _I would offer you a warm embrace_ _To make you feel my love_

 

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_ _And there is no one to dry your tears_ _I could hold you for a million years_ _To make you feel my love_

 

_I’d go hungry I’d go back and blue_ _I’d go crawling down the avenue_ _There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do_ _To make you feel my love_

  
  


**_Author’s note: HA. I finally got this started and posted! I had this started for months, btw. I’m sorry it took so long. Been having a lot of feels lately and this is the result. XD. I hope ya’ll were satisfied, and I am not at all doubtful that it might be updated not too long from now, with the way my feels are going. Sorry for the cliffhanger. ;)_ **


	2. Down the Avenue

Chapter Two: Down the Avenue 

 

_You’re feeling isolate_ _And all kinds frustrate_ _But I love you as you are,_ _Love you as you are, yeah_ _And don’t worry about the hate_ _It don’t fit in those boxes they create_ _And it’s tearing you apart, it’s tearing you apart,_ _Yeah_

 

_And when you build those walls_ _To keep you safe_ _It’s like a prison you can’t escape_ _You tear them down, you just might hear me say_

 

_I love you as you are_ _I love you as you are_ _And when the whole damn world doesn’t know_ _What they got til it’s gone I love you_ _I love you as you are_ _I love you as you are_ _And when the whole damn world doesn’t know_ _What they got til it’s gone, I love you_ _I love you as you are_

 

Ben stood there for a moment, just frozen in shock. He hadn’t expected to come home and see his parents fucking on the couch. He finally snapped out of it and tossed his coat on the floor. “Dad, Cas, what the hell?” He said, covering his eyes, his bookbag dropping to the floor as well. Ben heard voices and feet, and Callie had come in, and was standing there with her mouth open in shock when Ben pulled his hands away. Dean and Cas had put themselves together, and some of Ben’s curls fell over his eyes. “I can’t….. You have a bed for that reason!” He said, his cheeks still flushed with embarrassment. 

 

Blushing himself, Cas ran his hands through his black mussed sex hair, trying to tame it a bit. Dean wasn’t even looking sheepish, he was looking gleeful. “Dean Henry, get that look off your face.” Cas told him, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. When Dean didn’t rearrange his features, Cas tickled his side a bit, and that did the trick, after Dean was done laughing, he looked a little sheepish. Not as much as Cas would have liked, but it was good enough for him. 

 

“We’re sorry, Ben, we kind of just got carried away.” Cas said, knowing that he and Dean still had to change clothes. “We’ll be right back. Need to change.”

 

On their way upstairs, they ran into Claire and Julie, headed down, their faces flushed and hair messed up as well. Dean smirked. “Looks like someone else got some too.” He said, and Claire gave him a look, saying, gross, Dad. Dean just playfully tweaked her hair and he and Cas headed for their bedroom. Dean tossed all of his clothes in the dirty clothes hamper. “That was fun. Ben’s scarred for life.” He said, unable to keep from laughing. “Dad never brought anyone home until Ellen, so that’s never happened to me before.” He knew that it hadn’t happened to Cas, His parents had not been sexual people or been carried away by passion like that easily. 

 

“You are just so so funny, Dean.” Cas said, sounding exasperated but it wasn’t in a real serious way. “You should apologize to him too. I wasn’t alone on the couch with my right hand.” He said, he’d gotten his own clothes off and was taking some new out of one of the dresser drawers. He pulled out a pair of Dean’s pj bottoms and grabbed one of his tee shirts too, he liked wearing Dean’s clothes and he knew that Dean liked him to. As he was finishing sliding the pj bottoms in place, Dean’s arms slid around his waist, playing with the waistline of the pants. 

 

Cas shivered under his touch. “Dean, what are you doing? Frankie and Jamie will be back soon, I got a text from Jo.” Dean’s breath was hot on his neck as he nibbled Cas’ left earlobe. 

 

“Touching my gorgeous and sexy husband.” Dean replied, his hand slipping in the front of the pj bottoms and taking Cas’ length in his hand, fingers rubbing up and down the shaft. Cas’ breath was shallow, and he shivered under Dean’s ministrations. He cupped Cas’ balls, stroking them and then his hand moving up along the shaft again, his thumb pressing on the tip. Cas was growing hard in his hand again. “Mmmm, so soon, Mr. Winchester? I’m impressed.” Dean’s voice was silky and hot against Cas’ ear, and then he moved along his throat, pressing kisses along the collarbone. 

 

Letting him briefly touch him, Cas shook off the sexy thoughts and feelings and stepped away. “No more, wait till later.” Cas told him. “I don’t want to ruin these too, we haven’t done laundry in a couple of weeks.” He said, and Dean pouted. Cas stepped forward and kissed him, his hand touching Dean’s chest right where his heart was. “I promise, it will be worth the wait, Mr. Winchester.” He purred, and stroking Dean’s chest once more, stepped back and reached for the shirt. “I’m going to get dinner started, we’re having tuna casserole.” 

 

A smile lit up Dean’s features. “That sounds good.” He would eat just about anything, except healthy food, which he called “rabbit food”. He pulled on his own clothes, sans underwear, (he would have gotten out the pink satin panties that Cas liked, but he didn’t want the kids to know he owned any) and followed Cas downstairs. Ben, Claire, and Julie were all in the living room, the tv was on and homework was going on. Dean stopped long enough to do as Cas had said, apologize to Ben. “I’m sorry that you had to see Cas and I like that.” Dean told him, running a hand through his brown hair. “If you get your homework finished, there’s ice cream as a reward. That goes for you two also.” He said this to Julie and Claire, who just shot him sly looks. 

 

Then he headed into the kitchen, Callie was with Cas at the stove, Cas was putting on a pan of water to boil for the water. The phone was ringing, so Dean moved to answer it. It was his father. “Hey, Dad. We’re ready for you when you’re discharged.” Dean told him, walking with the phone to get a beer out of the fridge. 

 

Settled back in his hospital bed, John was waiting for Jodi to come and visit. She was sneaking in some food that was contraband, but it wasn’t too unhealthy. She was heading over with Chipotle. He was fine with that, it was all natural and he was starved. The hospital food was horrible, even for a Dallas cop. A highly decorated one at that. John brushed his hand across his scruffy face. “Dean, I’m ready to come, trust me.” He was going to stay with his son and son in law while he was recuperating because Jodi was of course still working and couldn’t take the time off. John didn’t mind though, they weren’t even going steady and he would get to see the kids and grandkids every day. 

 

“Jode’s bringing me something to eat that isn’t the disgusting hospital fare.” John said, he’d been reading before he called to check in, a Stephen King novel was on his table that was attached to the bed. He also had a can of Sprite there and some crackers. They were going to be checking his vitals in a bit, and give him some more medication. John really couldn’t wait to get out of the place. Even if they were taking great care of him. “She’s kind of what I wanted to talk about. I know you aren’t ready to discuss Callie and that’s fine.” John said, and waited until Dean had acknowledged this before he continued. 

 

A breath, and he was talking. “So, Jodi and I are…. We’re talking, I guess you would say. I know it’s not called that anymore, but we’re… we’re starting something. It’s not even remotely serious, at least, not yet. I don’t know that I’m ready for serious.” John was still missing Ellen greatly. “Is that going to be okay with you and Cas? I still have to get Sam and Jo’s thoughts.”

 

This was not a surprise to Dean. Not that it was happening, that John wanted to talk about it right now. “We’re ready for you, too, Dad. Believe me. Jamie keeps asking for “Gmpa”, which I know means you.” Dean sat down at the table and cracked open his beer. There was giggling from his husband and Callie, and Dean wondered why she hadn’t joined the homework party in the living room. Speaking of, they were just loud enough that Dean knew some actual work was going on. 

 

“Dad, you can date Jodi if you want to. You know how much we all care about her.” Dean said, she’d been a family friend for a long time. “All we want is for you to be happy, Dad. If that’s Jodi, it’s Jodi.” Dean knew that there was no shock in him that it wasn’t serious. Dean knew that he’d taken losing Ellen hard, and Jodi had just been there. He didn’t even remotely think that he was using Jodi, but she wasn’t going to be more than a rebound. He didn’t want to say this out loud though, he knew that his father would just deny it. 

 

“Don’t worry about that, just look forward to coming here and getting out of there.”

 

Although he’d known that would be what Dean would say, he was still relieved and let out a sigh to show it. “I know that you want that, Dean. I know that’s what all you kids want. I have to admit… I didn’t see this coming. You know I’m still…. Grieving.” This was said after a long pause, and he knew that Dean would just wait for him to continue. It took him a moment to get his voice back to normal. “I miss Ellen like crazy. She doesn’t get to see her own granddaughter grow up. It’s really not fair.” They had of course discussed this before, but it was still kind of hitting him that she was really gone. “We’ve already lost so many people. I can’t lose anymore.” He was quiet a minute more as he gathered himself once again. 

 

“She loved all you kids. And Jodi does too, but you know that.”

 

They talked a bit more, and then John had to go, Jodi had arrived. Dean hung up and then set his eyes on Cas and Callie, who were still talking animatedly at the stove. Dean supposed that he was going to have to deal with Callie staying for dinner. She seemed to be getting along well with his husband. Dean knew that was just Cas though, he was a cinnamon roll and could get along with just about anyone. Dean could be one when he wanted to be, but he usually didn’t want to. He enjoyed taking people off guard and seeing the looks on their faces. It was just how he’d always been. 

 

_ Three weeks later _

 

They were just letting John in the house, Jo had picked him up on her way to work. Cas was going to be the one home with him that day, the kids were in school and Dean was going back to work as a construction worker. Cas wasn’t exactly happy about it, but he couldn’t really object. He knew that Dean wouldn’t be happy with sticking around the house, he was made to work and for a long time he hadn’t been able to do it safely. Cas wasn’t going to stand in his way, all he’d been able to do was tell him to be careful. Now, he was giving John a hug as he walked in slowly. He could move on his own steam, but he was supposed to take it easy. Cas also had rules on what it was he was supposed to eat, the doctor had made sure that he and Dean knew what was going on. 

 

“Dad, it’s so good for you to be here.” Cas told him, as he and Jo helped him to the couch, Cas had it set up for him to lounge around, a bedroom was ready for him upstairs as well. Part of the best thing of getting money, they had enough bedrooms and some to spare. Cas made sure he was settled in at one end of the sectional, and then he and Jo sat down too. Cas had the baby monitor closeby, and he was going to do some writing that day on a new book. Cas was glad that he could work from home, they could have John be here and take care of him without a nurse. 

 

John gave him a half smile. Even this had worn him out. He was glad to be out of the hospital and be given a clean bill of health. He was going to be around for a long while yet. “You know I’m glad to be here. It’s going to be amazing to get to see you kids every day.” John let Jo pool the blankets around him. She set a bag of Chipotle on his lap, he’d been hungry and she’d stopped for him. John reached for the drink and put it in the cup holder. “Sorry to bring my own food, Cas, I know you’d be more than willing to make me something. I just really wanted takeout before I can’t have it for awhile.” He knew how vigilant Dean and Cas were going to be about his diet, not that he blamed them. 

 

Waving it off, Cas smirked. “I know, Dean will make sure you eat healthy.” He thought it was hilarious, because while Dean had a new heart, he wasn’t exactly supposed to eat like a sixteen year old kid either. But he did and seemed to be okay. “You go ahead. You’re a Winchester, I get it.” He told him, reaching out and squeezing John’s shoulder. Then the baby monitor made noises, and that meant Jamie was awake. “Oh, you get to see Jamie. He’ll be hungry too.” He said, and went up to get the baby. 

 

It didn’t take him long, he told Jamie they were going to see “Grmpa” and the baby was bouncing eagerly on Cas’ hip. He was just over a little of a year old, and he was already speaking and crawling around when you let him. They let him in his playpen, which was huge and took up half one side of the living room practically, and in his room if his door was closed and someone was inside with him. He was a very curious baby and would get into things if left alone. When he got back down into the living room, Diana had also come in, and Jo was petting her. 

 

“Oggie!” Jamie exclaimed, and Cas laughed. “Yes, Diana’s here too, kiddo.” He said, setting Jamie on the couch next to John. “I’ll be right back with something for you to eat.” He told the baby, who was now leaning as close to John as he could, trying to see what he was eating. Cas got out a bottle of milk and a couple of cans of baby food, a beef one and a peaches one. Jamie liked the peaches. Then he headed back in, Jamie was giggling as John played peek a boo with him. 

 

Jo watched this, and she knew that this was a miracle. They had almost lost John forever. She was a bit jealous that she and Sam didn’t really have the room for John to come and stay with them. That was why, not because there would be no one to look after him. Jo worked from home as well, data entry, they’d sold the bar. She hadn’t wanted to, but once she had Laura, she wanted to be there for her and not have Laura be raised in daycare. She could get a job if she wanted one later when Laura started school. At the moment she was with Charlie, Charlie had agreed to babysit since Sam was working too. He had finally gotten through law school and was now a paralegal at a firm downtown. 

 

“Hi, Jamie.” She said, moving to tickle his toes. He giggled and squealed in between bites of beef stew baby food. Jo’s eyes got a little misty. She and Sam were both upset that they couldn’t have another child naturally. But Jo also didn’t mind adopting. They’d already put themselves on the list, since it was a long wait. Sam was sure that they’d get something sooner rather than later though, with the cache that the Winchesters still had in Dallas. Even if Jo had told him that it covered the whole country. It was the stubborn Winchester streak, although she did know that here on the Dallas end he might actually be right. 

 

“Op, Joey.” Jamie admonished her, still giggling as John reached over to tickle his belly too. 

 

Cas was laughing too hard to get them to stop, he just waited until Jamie was done giggling to give him another bite of the baby food. It took ten minutes to get him fed and the bottle of milk in his hands, but it was worth it. Cas just wished that he’d been able to film it. He looked at Jo, and he saw her eyes misty. He touched her arm, giving her a look of sympathy. Cas knew that the knowledge that she couldn’t carry another baby to term had to be hard for her. Cas also knew that she wanted to adopt. He and Dean had discussed that too, although if they did, it would be only one more child. Cas didn’t want to do it for another year and a half though, Jamie would be three by then and wouldn’t be as much maintenance as a baby would be. He wasn’t sure that Dean felt that way, too, he was sure that Dean would sign on for another kid soon. 

 

He got why that was though, they’d both gone through losing kids before, and the threat of having them taken away. Dean wanted them to have one free and clear. “Somebody’s ticklish.” Cas said to Jamie, and lifted his shirt to give him a raspberry on his belly, which sent him giggling again. The dog moved to them, nosing in to get to Jamie, jumping up on the couch and across Cas’ lap so Jamie could pet her. “Oggie!” Jamie exclaimed again, and reached out with one of his tiny hands to brush the fur on the top of Diana’s silky head. 

 

With a mouthful of a chicken bowl, John reached out and tweaked Jamie’s toes, who giggled again and told “Grmpa” to stop. John couldn’t believe how adorable the kid was. And he was so happy. John still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that there were people in the world who didn’t want members of the LGBT community adopting children or having children. Jamie was an incredibly well cared for child, and was always giggling and smiling, and he was very smart. Why his father had chosen his lover over Jamie John would never know. “Who’s a big man?” He asked Jamie, who was lavishing in the attention he was getting. 

 

The front door opened and shut, and Dean came in. He’d managed to get away early. “Jamie! There’s Pop’s boy.” He said, coming in and setting down his hard hat. Jamie reached out his arms, wanting to “up up”. Dean picked him up, and kissed Cas hello. “Hey. I got away early. My crew has got things under control.” Dean bragged, and clasped John’s shoulder with his free hand. “Hey, Dad, don’t get used to that Chipotle.” He said, giving him a smirk. “You’re gonna eat what I say as long as you’re here under my roof.” Dean told him in a firm voice, but there was a hint of jocularity to it. 

 

“You ain’t too big to get whooping, boy.” John told him, a smile on his face. Jamie was happily bouncing on his father’s hip, with no indication that he wanted down. Which John didn’t think was odd, except that after he ate he liked to crawl around in his playpen and play with the toys he had in there. Dean just smirked back at him and moved to join them on the couch. This is when Jamie squirmed, and Dean put him in the playpen before he went to sit with them. Immediately the sounds of a Fisher Price fire truck began to emit from the playpen. 

 

“Go ahead and try it, old man.” Dean said, as he cuddled up to Cas, who was beaming from ear to ear. Dean knew that they could joke about it now, but when he was a kid, a spanking would have happened. But Dean didn’t think that that was uncalled for. Or that it was abuse. It was used mostly as a last resort, if John had had to tell him more than once. Dean didn’t let that happen often, but it did happen sometimes. Dean was a willful kid and a Winchester. And he could be incredibly sarcastic and disobedient when he wanted to be. He turned his eyes to Jamie, who was moving the fire truck around, it made noises but he was making his own as well. 

 

Snorting laughter, John said, “You know you can’t take me.” He reached for his drink, and Jo went to throw away his food trash for him, he didn’t even try and offer to do it himself because he knew he would get shot down. He was going to let them do it, instead of letting his Winchester stubbornness get in their way. He knew they were doing it because they loved him and they needed to, not out of any thought that he couldn’t do for himself. Telling himself that made it easier to just let them do things and not pushing past his limits. 

 

This is when Cas made his leave, he had to go and get some work done. Dean let him go reluctantly, kissing him three times before he let him leave the room. Jo said she had to go and get Laura so Charlie could go out on a date, and so that left Dean and Jamie alone with John. There was so much they needed to discuss, but Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to get into the heavy stuff when things were so light now. Dean knew they had to talk about Callie. And why John had never told them about her until he’d been in what essentially was his deathbed. Dean couldn’t be mad about it, because he knew that it had to have been hard for John, to tell them that they had family out there that they’d never met. Dean knew that that wasn’t an easy thing to have to admit. 

 

Looking at his father, Dean wasn’t sure what to say. “Dad…. I… I hate to ruin this light mood.” He said, and John immediately took on a serious expression and slowly turned to face his son on the couch. Dean thought a moment before he spoke. “I know you wanted to be the one to tell us about Callie. And I… I get why you took so long to do it. Sam’s more flexible than I am, but we all know that I’m just like you, hella stubborn.” He let a small smile play on his lips. He usually didn’t use slang that was that current. He was an old soul. “But Dad, you should have told us, and before you were dying.” He said, really hoping that they weren’t about to have a fight. He just wanted the truth. 

 

That was a hard question. Even if Dean had gotten the nail on the head. “You know that I was just trying to not fuck the situation up.” He said, shaking his head, and running his hand through his brown hair. He didn’t know that if Dean was angry that he could blame him. But John was good at reading him, and he was sure that he wasn’t angry. “I also wanted to make sure that she wanted to be in the family before I told ya’ll that she was out there. I didn’t know what she thought, because I wasn’t sure what her mother had been telling her about me. But I swear, I didn’t know about her until recently, with the last year or so. I never knew about her before that.” 

 

A pause, and John wiped tears off his face. “She’s… she’s staying with her mom’s sister, Callie’s mom passed away a few months ago. I wanted to get custody of her, but then I got sick, and she’s almost 18 as it is. So it doesn’t really make sense for me to do it. I wish that I could take her in right now. I’m sorry that I still ended up fucking it up anyway.” John said, and he knew that it was true, even if he hated admitting it. That had been what he was trying to avoid. “You don’t have to be in her life right away or at all if you don’t want to. But know that everyone else wants her to be in this family.”

 

Taking that all in, Dean wasn’t sure what he was going to say. It would sound cruel to his father that he wasn’t sure he was ready for Callie to be his sister. “I really am not mad, Dad. I’m not. As someone who had a kid show up and say he’s mine, I don’t know that I can blame you for not speaking up. It would have been hard for me to have to tell Cas if he wasn’t here too.” Dean was glad that Ben seemed to be settling in well, and accepting the fact that Cas was his dad, too. Dean looked into his father’s eyes for a beat or two before he started speaking again. 

 

“I am not sure that I’m ready for her to be my sister. I know how importantly we take family. I know that. But I’m just not sure that I am ready. I spent my whole life thinking that Sam was my only sibling. And it’s hard to have to give up that idea.” Dean knew that the same thing could happen to John, even if he thought it unlikely. Henry Winchester, John’s father, had just disappeared one day. While John’s mother thought he took off on purpose, John had always thought his father had been taken. Or murdered. 

 

None of that was a surprise to John. “You don’t have to be. But it will gum up the works if you don’t get okay with it soon. She loves the kids, and the kids love her. And so does everyone else, as I am sure that you know.” John thought it was kind of hilarious that Callie resembled Claire a bit, who had no Winchester blood in her whatsoever. But you definitely could think they were related by blood rather than by adoption and marriage. John actually thought that it was pretty cool, and the two of them were getting close, although Callie wouldn’t let Claire call her ‘Aunt’ like she did her other aunts and uncles. Callie said they were too close in age for that. 

 

They spoke a bit more about it and then moved on to other things, which pleased Dean greatly. John was retiring, which Dean was heartily in agreement with. His father needed to finally rest and be there for his grandkids. If he didn’t slow down he might be gone before his time. And Dean knew exactly how that felt. 

 

A few days went by, everything was going fine. John was having the time of his life getting to see his grandkids every day, and they were all getting closer. At the moment, Sam and Dean were waiting for Callie to join them. It was a no spouses event. Plus, Cas was deep in the writing zone at his laptop and refused to be disturbed. Jo had taken Laura over to Dean and Cas’, and that’s where the rest of the family was holed up while they were having this meeting. Dean and Sam were in a Mickey D’s, Dean was starving and would eat nothing else at the moment. So he’d decided not to wait for Callie and was digging into his meal. 

 

Sam made a face. “Dean that is a ridiculous amount of food.” He was waiting until Callie arrived and only had a Diet Coke sitting in front of him. Sam hadn’t even tried to talk him out of ordering that much, he knew his brother and he knew how stubborn he could be. Sam also hadn’t wanted to rock the boat, because Dean had agreed to meet with Callie and acknowledge her as his sister. Sam assumed whatever John had said to him had struck a chord. Sam didn’t know that he could push at it too much, Dean might change his mind. 

 

“You’re going to need another heart if you aren’t careful.” Sam told him, brushing his hand through his brown hair. He knew that Dean wouldn’t listen though, he never did. It wasn’t anything that wasn’t out of the ordinary. 

 

“Shut up, Sammy. I won’t need a new heart.” Dean scoffed, his mouth full of cheeseburger. He had three of them, two large fries, a strawberry milkshake, and a hot fudge sundae, which he had eaten first and it was actually empty. This is when their sister got there, and Sam stood up to meet her and they joined the queue to get something to eat. Dean watched them as he worked on his food. This was going to be hard for him, but he knew that he had to do it. John was right, it was going to make things harder if he didn’t get along with the program and try and get to know her. Dean knew that he didn’t want to be the only one who wasn’t making inroads with her, but he also usually was the one who wasn’t making inroads with things like that. He was too much his father’s son. 

 

Within ten minutes, Sam and Callie had joined him at the table. They had considerably less food. Sam sat back in his seat and unwrapped his burger. He usually ate as healthy as he could, but he decided today he could go a little crazy. “Callie’s on the honor roll, Dean. She’s actually moving to Claire’s school.” This had been mostly because of the girls being close, but also because Callie was having issues at her other school with bullying. Her aunt had tried to get them to deal with it and hadn’t been able to. And while Callie would have rather fought back, her aunt chose to let her go to school with Claire. “Her aunt has been really great about her getting to know us.” Sam said, trying to get the conversation started off on a good note. 

 

Dean looked at his sister. She was definitely more like Sam if she was on the honor roll. It’s not that Dean was stupid, but he didn’t put as much stock in book learning as his brother did. Sam was a nerd, there was no doubt about it. “That means you’re more like Sammy than you are me. What are your thoughts on music?” Dean asked curiously, he was like his old man in that respect as well. Classic rock was his main interest. 

 

Callie smirked at him. “I don’t necessarily like school as much as Sam does, I just have a desire to have a career. I actually want to be a writer, like Cas.” She said, as she sipped her Coke. She had noted how much food Dean was eating, and from what she knew of him, it didn’t surprise her. “I like anything, really. I’m not picky. But rock is definitely my favorite genre.” She told him, and smirked at the small smile he let play on his lips. He was definitely giving her a vibe that he was like their dad. Callie looked at him. “I’m glad that you agreed to this, Dean. I am. I know how hard you fought this. And I know what it’s taking for you to be here.”

 

This was a concession on her part that Dean thought she might have trouble admitting as well. “I know that I was hard on you. And I’m sorry, okay? I really am.” He meant what he said. He knew that Callie would know how hard that was for him to admit. Dean was quiet for a moment as he sipped his milkshake. “I know I was a jerk. I’m… I want us to be family. I know that you didn’t know about us for a long time. I can’t fault you for that either. You’re just a kid.” Dean knew she was going to take offense to that, but Dean was the father of a 17 year old and a 13 year old, so to him, she was a kid. “You may not like me to say that, but remember, I’ve got a kid that’s about your age.”

 

Even if he was barely old enough to have a teenage daughter, Callie knew that she had to give him that. Sam just seemed to be content to let them talk, and be a mediator if he had to be. Callie ate some fries as she considered what he said. “You were a jerk. But I can’t blame you anymore than you can me. You had to adjust to this too.” Callie couldn’t blame him for being upset about the whole thing. She said, “For the record, your kids are amazing. I’m glad that Dad told you about me. I’m sorry that it had to happen the way that it did, but the important part is that it happened.” Callie said, surprised to feel her eyes get misty. She wiped them with a napkin. 

 

“Dad’s gonna be okay.” Sam said, reaching out to touch her arm. He was more than glad that they’d been able to do this today. “But you know that.” She’d been in touch and knew that he was okay. Sam really thought maybe their luck was changing, since John was doing better. And that they weren’t going to lose him now. It was amazing that they weren’t going to lose him after how close they came. “We’ve had a lot of bad luck.” Sam said, but he didn’t say anything about his feelings about their luck changing, because he didn’t want to jinx it, which was funny, he wasn’t the one of the brothers to be superstitious. That was something that oddly, Dean was. 

 

Callie nodded. “Yeah, he’s too stubborn to die.” She agreed, and this caused them all to laugh a bit. She finally felt like Dean was her brother. They were sharing a laugh. Which they hadn’t done yet. Callie wasn’t sure how to put her feelings into words. It was nice, getting to be here with her brothers, and she knew that they felt it too. She watched as Dean finished up his third burger and went for some more fries. She could hardly believe that he was on a new heart. “You are going to need a new heart if you keep eating like that.” She admonished him. 

 

“You sound like Sammy.” Dean scoffed, waving a dismissive hand to her. Dean didn’t know that he could afford to be so blasé about it, but he also wasn’t going to start eating rabbit food. Dean knew that Cas worried about it too, even though there was nothing wrong with Dean or his heart. Dean couldn’t fault him for that either though, because Dean had died, technically. They may have been able to bring him back, but that didn’t mean that Cas wasn’t going to have some worry about it or PTSD. Dean knew he would feel the same if it was him in Cas’ shoes. Dean didn’t like to think about if he had to be in Cas’ shoes. Because that would mean that he would be without Cas, or having to watch him go through all of that. It would be incredibly hard, as he knew it had been for his husband. 

 

The lunch lasted another thirty minutes, and then they all decided to go back to Dean and Cas’ since everyone else was there. Dean on the way out got ice cream sundaes for Frankie, Claire, and Ben. He liked to do things like that for the kids when he could. When they got in the door with them, Frankie grabbed it and ran off to the kitchen, Dean laughing as he followed her. Cas was there, working on his laptop at the kitchen table. Dean leaned to give him a kiss. “Hey, sexy writer man.” He said, as Ben too came into the kitchen. “You get your homework done?” Dean asked, Ben wasn’t as good of a student as Claire was. 

 

“Yes, Dad.” Ben said, rolling his eyes. He leaned to help Frankie open her spoon so she could eat her ice cream. He was still having trouble accepting Claire as his sister. And now there was the feeling that he might be gay. There was this new kid Jesse Turner at school, and Ben couldn’t help but get butterflies in his stomach whenever they interacted. He knew that that was not something that happened to a straight kid. He knew he could talk about it with Dean or Cas, obviously, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It wasn’t exactly something that he’d planned in his wildest dreams. 

 

_You can come out of the shadows_ _They’re only scared of what they don’t know_ _But I love you as you are, love you as you are, yeah_ _Yeah, you waged this war within yourself_ _Wasting time dying in a shell_ _They don’t define you, just know they never will_

  
  


**_Author’s note: Okay, so, wow. I wrote this in just about four and a half hours when I couldn’t get back to sleep. I knew that this would be updated sooner rather than later. Funny thing is I have the TW/SPN crossover to type up, the second chapter. So really that should have been first. Oh well. I hope you’re liking and I have no idea where this fic is going to go._ **


	3. As You Are

Chapter Three: As You Are 

 

_ Right from the start _ __   
_ You were a thief you stole my heart _ __   
_ And I your willing victim _ __   
_ I let you see the parts of me  _ __   
_ That weren’t all that pretty _ _   
_ __ And with every touch you fixed them

 

_ Now you’ve been talking in your sleep oh oh  _ __   
_ Things you never said to me oh oh  _ __   
_ Tell me that you’ve had enough _ _   
_ __ Of our love, our love

 

_ Just give me a reason  _ __   
_ Just a little bit’s enough _ __   
_ Just a second we’re not broken just bent _ __   
_ And we can learn to love again _ __   
_ It’s in the stars  _ __   
_ It’s been written in the scars on our hearts _ __   
_ We’re not broken just bent  _ _   
_ __ And we can learn to love again 

 

Dean played the last line on his guitar and the crowd at the club clapped loudly. He’d just finished a six song set, and he had been unsure about the P!nk song, as he wasn’t usually a fan of hers, but Cas had insisted, and it turned out his husband had been right. Dean thanked the crowd and got off the stage, after putting his guitar in the case. Before he could go and join Cas, his husband had came up to him, and was hugging him tightly, and pressing his lips to Dean’s passionately. All he could do was kiss back, putting the arm not holding the guitar case around Cas’ waist.

 

“Hey, we’re in public.” Dean teased breathlessly as Cas pulled back to breathe. “Come on, I need a drink.” His voice was a little hoarse from the singing. But he was glad that he’d done this. No one else had been able to come, the only night Dean could get was a Thursday, and that wasn’t that convenient for anyone else. Dean was disappointed about that, but he was also glad at the same time. It meant it was just him and Cas. Claire was watching her younger siblings, and they hadn’t had a lot of time to themselves in the last month or so. John was almost recovered enough to go back to his own place, and Dean had to admit, he was a little bummed that John wouldn’t be in the house anymore. 

 

Grabbing Dean’s hand tightly, Cas said, “I’ll take your guitar out to the car, and you go ahead and order us something.” Cas said, kissing him once more and then taking the guitar and heading out to Dean’s car. After the guitar was safely locked away, he went to head back inside. On his way, though, a tall man stopped him. He wasn’t just tall, he was also built like a linebacker. “Can I help you?” Cas asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice. He also was fully aware of his Brit accent, and how out of place in Texas that it was. 

 

“I’ve got someone waiting for me inside.” Cas said, somehow thinking that saying it was his husband wasn’t a good idea. This man seemed a bit brutish and he was wearing a cowboy hat. Cas made a mental note to have Dean wear his when they had sex tonight, assuming he got out of this situation, of course. “You shouldn’t have come outside on your own, babe.” The man said, and Cas was surprised to find that he had a Brit accent as well. Cas froze. “What?” He asked, he was now officially scared. He prayed that when he didn’t come back Dean would come looking for him. 

 

“You heard me.” The man said, and moving almost as quick as lightning, had Cas pushed up against the club wall, and one hand was over Cas’ mouth. He was unbuttoning Cas’ jeans with his other hand. Cas was completely immobile, and he couldn’t even bite the man’s hand. He had Cas’ cock worked out of his jeans within seconds, and got his own jeans off and was sliding roughly into Cas’ entrance. Cas cried out against his hand, and couldn’t believe that this was happening. 

 

It was over almost as soon as it happened, and the man whispered in Cas’ ear. “That was for Balthazar.” He said, and took off. Cas was frozen there, and as he was trying to move to get himself put back together, Dean came outside. “Dean.” Cas said, his eyes filling with tears. Dean crossed to him, cursing. He helped Cas put himself back in his jeans, and then his shaking hands pulled out his phone to call the police. Cas leaned against him, burying his head in Dean’s neck, crying. He hadn’t been able to stop it. It had happened all over again, it was just like high school, and he felt like he might pass out. 

 

“It’s going to be okay, baby.” Dean said, wrapping his arm around Cas tightly, as he waited for someone to answer the phone. When they did, he told them his husband had been raped in the parking lot of the club they were at, and they needed to send someone. As soon as he mentioned the name ‘Winchester’ he was told they’d be there in ten minutes or so. Dean thanked them and hung up, with his free hand sliding his phone back in his pocket. “Cas… are you…. I’m so sorry. If I was just a minute sooner..” He said, clutching Cas closer. 

 

Trembling, Cas shook his head. “This isn’t your fault. It was… it was someone connected to Balthazar.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. Dean cursed again, and Cas clutched him like he wasn’t ever going to see him again. Cas couldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t know why this had to happen, things had been going so much better. And now this. He knew he was safe now, because Dean would never let anything happen to him, but he still didn’t feel safe. He felt like he was never going to feel safe again. 

 

Ten minutes later, a bus and the cops had arrived. Dean insisted that Cas go to the hospital to get checked out, and the cops could question him there. Cas agreed, because the man hadn’t used a condom. Dean growled in his throat at that, and moved over to the ambulance, and helped Cas inside. Cas had worked himself into a panic attack, and they were giving him a sedative in an IV as they took off for the hospital. 

  
It took about three hours before they were released to go home, between the rape kit and the cops asking Cas things over and over until they were sure they had enough to go on to go and look for the rapist. Dean was of the mind they weren’t going to find him, it was going to end up that he’d come after them again and that’s when they were going to catch him. Dean wasn’t going to let anything else happen to Cas or anyone else in his family, Good thing he had several guns at his disposal. Dean pulled out his phone to call Sam, so they could go and get his car from the club. 

 

Sam answered his phone, it was one am. “Dean, this better be an emergency.” He grumbled as he moved to sit up, he didn’t want to wake Jo, who was dead to the world after finally getting their child to sleep. He froze on his way out of the bedroom as Dean told him it was, Cas had been raped and they needed a ride back to Baby from the hospital. “Holy shit.” Sam said, a little more loudly than he’d intended, but thankfully, Jo didn’t move. Sam stepped over to the closet to grab some clothes. “I’ll be right there, let me get dressed.” He told Dean, and they hung up. 

 

His brother in law had been raped again? Sam grabbed some jeans and a flannel and put them on and scribbled a note for Jo, just in case. Then he hurriedly went down to go out to his car. This was unbelievable, even though he knew it was more likely that you’d be a victim of sexual abuse again once you already had been. Sam just hoped that Cas was okay, and he was seething. Things had finally been good. Dean had had his gig tonight. And now it was always going to be the night Cas got raped. 

 

Dean was sitting with Cas on the bed, they’d been discharged, just waiting for Sam to show. Dean had told him what room. He had his arm around Cas’ waist, and his husband’s head was buried in his neck. Dean really didn’t know how this could have happened. Even though his mind knew it wasn’t his fault, he was blaming himself. This is when Jodi poked her head in the room. “Hey, Jode.” Dean said, surprised to see her. Maybe one of the cops had called her when they found out it was Cas. “We’re just waiting for Sammy to get here.” Dean said, Cas lifting his head long enough to say hello to Jodi and then burying it back in Dean’s neck. 

 

Before Jodi could reply, another officer came in behind her, grinning. “Dean!” Garth Fitzgerald the IV said, and Dean grinned back. “So good to see you man, despite the circumstances.” Garth said, shaking Dean’s hand, so Dean didn’t have to get up or move and cause Cas to have to move. “We know they already talked to you, but we wanted to check and make sure you guys were okay.” Garth said, pulling up a chair. He and Dean had gone to school together, and they’d sort of lost touch. But they’d never been warring or anything. 

 

Dean sighed. Cas had stopped sniffling and he was pretty sure he was asleep. They’d drugged him with another sedative after the first had worn off, and he had been given a script for more. Dean tilted his head carefully, yeah, Cas was dead to the world. He turned back to Jodi and Garth. “We’re… we’re physically okay. But as far as mentally… I have no idea. Cas is… he seems to be in shock about it. I… I was a minute too late in checking on him… if I hadn’t I could have stopped the guy. But Cas said it was over pretty quickly.” He told them the connection to Balthazar part. 

 

Leaning back in her chair, Jodi sighed too. “I can’t believe this. We thought we were done with him, he’s gone. Dead. I can’t believe that there’s anyone even still working to get revenge for him.” She looked at Cas, who was snoring lightly. “I’m so sorry that he had to go through this again. And this isn’t on you, Dean. Sometimes things happen and we can’t stop them. Doesn’t mean that it’s your fault.” Jodi said, but she knew that it was going to sound hollow to him. She also knew that the ramifications were going to be numerous and that it was going to seem like the end of the world, and that again, would make Dean think it was his fault when nothing he did could take away Cas’ pain. 

 

“Dean, I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen. Really listen.” She said, and Dean looked at her. “I mean it, kiddo.” She added, and he sighed but gave her a slight nod. “You are not to blame yourself for this. Under any circumstances. And if you think you aren’t doing enough to help Cas, you probably are. There isn’t much that can be done in these things to make the pain go away, that’s the kind of thing that only goes away with time.” She kept her eyes on his green ones, which had started to well up with tears a bit. 

 

“Just be there for him, sweetheart.” 

 

His chin trembled, he’d been so focused on being there for Cas that it was kind of just hitting him, and he started to cry. He reached up with his free hand to wipe his eyes. “I just… he’s been through this once before. I can’t… I already hate that he had to go through this, and now it’s happened again? And I… I can’t do anything to take that pain away, Jode, you’re right.” Dean said, his voice was shaking as he spoke. “I just…. I hate to see him like this. Helpless.” Dean also knew that for awhile Cas was going to be out of it, with the pills they’d given him. He tried to calm down and could feel himself starting to panic a little. 

 

As soon as Jodi had taken his hand, he was starting to calm down. She told him it was going to be okay, and Dean barely heard her with the ringing in his ears. But he nodded, and accepted the tissue Garth handed him and wiped his eyes. This is when Sam arrived, and more hellos were exchanged. Dean gave Sam the details, and reluctantly woke Cas up. “Come on, baby, we have to go home. Sam’s gonna give us a ride back to the car.” Dean said, lifting Cas’ weary chin to kiss him softly. Dean knew he couldn’t carry Cas’ dead weight out to Sam’s truck. 

 

Saying goodbye to Jodi and Garth, Sam, Dean, and Cas went slowly out to Sam’s truck. Cas was still half asleep, and leaning heavily on Dean. That’s where the slow part came in. Dean sighed and tugged Cas closer. “Just a bit more, baby.” He said, pressing a kiss to Cas’ cheek. Cas mumbled a reply but managed to pick up his feet a bit more. As soon as they were seated in the truck though and he was leaned up to Dean, he fell asleep once more. 

 

Sam started up the truck and moved to pull out onto the road. “Dean, I can’t… I can’t even imagine what you guys must be going through.” He said, it had started to rain and he turned on the wipers. “Is he okay?” He asked, knowing that he wasn’t going to be for a long time. “I mean, I know that something like this could happen to him again, once you’ve been a victim your chance of it happening again is high… but still. It’s… we were finally in a relatively good place.” Sam said, shaking his head. “And that it was someone connected to Balthazar….” This was the part that was the most surprising. It had been long enough that they thought they were done and over with that part. 

 

“And this isn’t even remotely your fault.” 

 

Dean made sure Cas was truly sleeping before he answered. “He’s physically okay. And we should get the test results back on the rape kit within the week.” He said, hating that he even had to say those words. “Dude didn’t wear a condom.” He said, and Sam sucked in a breath. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to help him feel better. And I know that he won’t. Not for awhile. This is gonna bring up all the feelings from the first time it happened. And I hate that. I hate that I won’t be able to really do anything to help him.” It was making him feel helpless too. 

 

When they got back to Dean’s car, his phone rang. It was Claire, she was checking in. In all the madness, he’d forgotten to let her know when they’d be home. Sam helped Cas in the Impala so Dean could answer her. “Hey, Claire. I’m sorry I didn’t call. We’re on our way home now.” The club was still open, and Dean could hear music from the open windows. He also knew she was going to be able to tell something was wrong by the tone of his voice. He wasn’t always so good at hiding it. “You should be in bed anyway, you’ve got school in the morning, kiddo.” 

 

“What happened, Dad?” Claire asked immediately, she’d fallen asleep on the couch a couple of hours ago, and had been surprised to wake up and find her parents not home yet. Claire was a little groggy but hearing her father’s tone, she knew something was wrong. “I know something’s wrong. Just tell me what it is.” She said, and kind of went numb when Dean told her what had happened. “Oh Dad….” She said, her eyes welling with tears. He told her they’d be home in a half an hour, and she was just supposed to go right up to bed, they could talk the next day. 

 

She hated to agree, but they hung up and she moved to make sure the porch light was on, that the door was locked, and then headed up to her room. On her way to the bedroom, she ran into Ben in the hallway. “What are you doing up, little brother?” Claire asked, sometimes she called him that just to get on his nerves. It was a holdover from when he’d insisted that she wasn’t his family and Cas wasn’t his dad. She folded her arms. “You should be in bed.”

 

“I know Dad and Cas aren’t home.” Ben said, he’d not been able to get to sleep, and when it had passed the time that they would have gotten home, he’d started to worry. Ben looked at her, she wasn’t giving anything away. “Also…. I couldn’t… I couldn’t sleep.” He’d been thinking about Jesse. “Can I ask you something?” He asked, he knew Claire was a lesbian and might be able to help him with his issues about Jesse. Ben really liked him, and he really wanted to figure out if he should try and ask him out or not. Ben hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, and he was starting to think that maybe he was bisexual. Or gay. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a crush on a girl. 

 

When Claire gave him a curious nod, Ben took a deep breath. “Well, I think I have a crush on a guy.” Ben said, brushing his hand over his brown hair. His eyes were deep green, just like Dean’s. 

 

“Seriously?” She asked, and he nodded again. “So you want to know if you should ask him out or not?” She asked, and he blushed as he nodded again. “Well, I don’t know why you’re asking me and not Dad or Daddy, but if you really have a crush on him, you have to speak up. Because you can’t just not speak up. I know that it’s scary, but you will regret it if you don’t. You have to try. And there’s nothing wrong with you if you are gay, by the way. I know that there’s a lot of people who panic and freak out about having feelings for someone of the same sex. But you aren’t wrong. And no one I know who’s come out has regretted it.” 

 

As he absorbed this, there was the noise of the front door opening. Claire looked at Ben. “Don’t go down there, okay? I talked to Dad, he said that we’re just supposed to go to bed and we’ll talk in the morning.” She saw his eyes widen a bit. “Something happened, but I can’t tell you what.” She said, and he nodded and for once did what she said and went back to his room. She went to her own, and wished that she could do something to make her father feel better. She didn’t know how it felt from experience, but she also knew that he did and he wasn’t going to take this easily. 

 

The next morning, Dean’s phone woke him up. He grumbled, it was only seven thirty and he hadn’t gotten to sleep until four. He’d gotten Cas in bed as soon as they’d gotten home at one thirty and he’d fallen straight to sleep. Dean groggily answered it, not checking who it was first. He heard Claire downstairs, making sure Ben and Frankie had breakfast, and he made a mental note to make sure and reward her somehow. It was John. He must have heard about Cas. “Hey, Dad.” Dean mumbled, and decided as long as he was up he could go and check on Jamie, who was probably waking up right about now. He headed out into the hall. 

 

“Dad, I swear, I was going to tell you.” Dean said, after John had harangued him a bit about not texting him at least. “And Dad, you don’t know how to text.” Dean said, rubbing his eyes as he got into the nursery, Diana had slept there the night before, and she was laying on the floor by the crib. Dean smirked and peeked in at his son, who was indeed awake and wanting “Up, Up.” Dean said, “Dad, I’ll call you back in a bit, I swear. I’m gonna go and get Jamie some breakfast, okay?” He was relieved when John said he would answer and Dean hung up, putting the phone in his pj bottoms’ pocket. Then he leaned down to pick up Jamie. 

 

“Morning, kiddo.” He said, as Jamie immediately wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. Moving slowly, he went down the stairs, it was almost Jamie’s first birthday. Dean had already gone overboard with the presents. “Please tell me there’s coffee.” He said, as he settled Jamie in his high chair. Frankie was finishing up the biggest bowl of Cocoa Puffs Dean had ever seen, and Ben had chosen frozen waffles. Dean got out some baby food and moved to feed it to Jamie, as Claire moved to get him a cup of coffee. Dean opened the peaches and was going to feed Jamie with it until he reached out and grabbed it to feed himself. Dean held up his hands and let him. 

 

Claire knew they couldn’t talk in front of Frankie and Jamie, so she just asked, “Did Daddy get to sleep okay?” She handed him the cup of coffee, she knew how he liked it. She could also tell that he hadn’t really slept himself. Claire didn’t know what to say, and she hadn’t been able to get to sleep well herself. 

 

Before Dean could answer, Cas came in, looking groggy. “Dean, go back to bed, sweetheart. I know you didn’t sleep.” He said, taking the mug of coffee from him. Dean gave him a relieved look and went back upstairs. Cas kissed him on the way out and then moved to open the other jar of baby food for Jamie, and handed it to him. He moved to add some cream and sugar to the coffee and took a sip, and then got out some Cheerios. “You guys should get going, school.” He said, and met Claire’s eyes. She nodded and moved to get Frankie going, she was already dressed and was done with her cereal. He poured some of the Cheerios into his bowl and then met Ben’s eye, his son was looking at him. Jamie was immersed in his baby food and didn’t seem to notice anything else. 

 

“Go to school, Ben.” Cas said, his voice quiet. He didn’t doubt that Ben knew something was going on with the look that he gave him, but Cas wasn’t going to discuss it right now. Cas kept his eyes on Ben’s, who didn’t move immediately to obey him. “Ben, you’re going to be late.” He said, standing to get the milk out of the fridge. When Ben still didn’t move, Cas gave him a sharp look. “Benjamin Cole Winchester, go to school. Claire is waiting to drive you.” His tone wasn’t angry but very firm. 

 

Ben stood slowly. “Is someone sick?” He asked, slinging his book bag over his shoulder. “You guys were really late and Claire told me that she couldn’t tell me what was going on. And I know that something is. You look like you got beat up and Dad looked like he didn’t get any sleep at all.” Ben said, he didn’t know if Cas was going to actually answer him, but he also knew that he had to ask. Ben watched his stepfather’s face, he seemed surprised that Ben had any idea that something was wrong. “You don’t have to tell me what it is, but just tell me no one’s sick. I can’t… we almost lost Grampa. I can’t lose anyone else.” 

 

That’s when Cas knew he was also thinking of his mother. It hadn’t been that long to him, and Cas knew that Ben had taken that extremely hard. Cas sighed and put the milk next to his bowl of cereal. “No one is dying, Ben, but that doesn’t mean that someone isn’t sick.” He said, looking at him. “Just not physically. Okay?” He said, and Ben nodded slowly. “Just go to school, I promise, everything is going to be alright.” He knew he couldn’t promise that and mean it, but he also didn’t want to go into what happened with him. Ben watched him a moment longer, and when Claire yelled out for him to get a move on, and said bye and left the kitchen. 

 

Cas watched him go, not really sure what they were going to tell him when he found out, it was possibly going to be on the news if it hadn’t already. Cas was starting to get some notoriety as an author, and it could very well be out there already. 

 

Later that afternoon, Dean woke again to his cell phone ringing. Grumbling, he moved to answer. This time, it was the kids’ school. “Hello, Dean Winchester.” He said, wondering who was in trouble. There was the kids’ principal on the other end, telling him that Claire had gotten in trouble for fighting. After Dean was inwardly proud of her for winning, he said that he would be down there as soon as he had gotten dressed and hung up. After he’d thrown on some clothes, he went downstairs to grab a soda to have on the way. Cas was in the living room, working on his laptop, Jamie asleep in his playpen. 

 

“Cas, baby? You okay?” Dean asked immediately, going to sit next to him on the couch. There were no marks on his face to give away his attack, but there were on his stomach. Dean wasn’t surprised when Cas hugged him tightly, burying his head in Dean’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe.” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist. Dean was quiet for a moment, letting Cas hug it out, but then he had to tell him. “Cas, I have to go to the school, Claire got in trouble for fighting.” He knew Cas would want to go, but Dean didn’t want to have to take Jamie with them. He also knew that they’d probably tried Cas first, and he hadn’t answered because he was working. That was something that he tended to do. 

 

Cas lifted his head then, but didn’t let go of Dean. “Did they tell you why?” He asked, and Dean shook his head. “Maybe I should go. You could stay here and watch Jamie.” Cas said, although he really wasn’t up for going to see anyone, despite him being Claire’s father. Cas brushed his hand through his hair, and Dean told him he would go. Cas sighed and wiped his eyes, having to let go. Dean brushed his hand through Cas’ hair, and his eyes shut automatically. He loved having Dean’s hands in his hair. “I just don’t know that I can handle it.” 

 

Brushing his lips over Cas’, Dean said, “It’s fine, baby. You know Claire, she probably had a good reason to be fighting in the first place. It’s gonna be okay. Depending on what they tell me I’ll pick up some fries or something.” He said, and kissed him once more. “You want anything while I’m out? I’ll drop off your prescription, make sure it’s filled.” Dean told him, and Cas nodded. He told Dean he wanted some ice cream, as much as Dean could carry, and after kissing him once more Dean promised him he would get him some. 

 

Then he left, reluctantly, leaving Cas with his laptop once more. 

 

When he got to the high school, which was actually all on the same property that the middle school and the primary school were on, he was a bit curious as to what they were going to tell him about Claire. He headed inside, and had had to get some help in finding the office, he’d never had to go before. Claire was a good kid. That’s why Dean was thinking she had a good reason. He went inside and was waved right back, Claire was already in the office. Dean stepped inside, and shook the principal’s hand. “I’m Dean Winchester, Claire is my daughter.” He said, he never said “step” or “adopted”. He also didn’t let Cas say so when referring to Ben either. 

 

“Mr. Winchester, your daughter got into a fight with three different girls.” The principal told him, her name was Debra Fisher. “We had to break them up and she didn’t want to stop fighting.” She said, and Dean looked at Claire, who shrugged her shoulders. “She wouldn’t tell us why, she insisted that she wouldn’t say anything until you got here.” 

 

Dean looked at Claire then, and she was quiet before she answered. “They said Daddy deserved to get raped because he’s gay.” She said, and Dean’s eyes widened. He turned back to Mrs. Fisher. “You want to punish my daughter because she was defending her father?” He asked, turning his angry gaze on her. “My husband does not deserve to get violated because he’s married to a man.” Dean said, his tone turning a bit angry. He couldn’t believe that people were even still thinking that. He hated that about this world, it was the 21st century for crying out loud.    
  


“No, no one is saying that, Mr. Winchester.” Mrs. Fisher insisted. She turned to look at Claire. “You should have told us that they were bullying you.” She said, and then looked back at Dean. “I will make sure that the children in question are severely punished. I don’t want any trouble with you.” She said this, and Dean knew it was because of who he was and who Cas was. She knew that he would definitely make a stink if something wasn’t done. Dean kept his green eyes on her, a bit defiantly. “I am sorry, Mr. Winchester, believe me, if I had known the nature of the fight I would not have put Claire in any kind of negative light.” She paused. “But we still have to suspend her for three days, we have a no tolerance policy on fighting.” 

 

Dean looked at Claire, and then back at the principal. “You better punish those other girls more than you are my daughter. Because if you don’t, I will be back here. And I will make sure that everyone important in town knows that you let bullies who are homophobic bully my daughter. She is also gay.” Dean said, he was sure Claire wouldn’t mind because it was pretty much common knowledge about her and Julie. The principal met his eye and nodded. Dean stood, and Claire followed him out. They didn’t speak until they had reached the Impala. 

 

“I’m not even going to pretend you shouldn’t have been fighting.” Dean said, shaking his head as they got inside the car. “But you should think twice next time. Especially on school grounds.” He said, and Claire nodded. “It’s not that I’m not proud of you for sticking up for your father. Because I am. And we both know that what they said was wrong. But you gotta think of what the consequences will be for you if you get in a fight like that. You didn’t deserve to be suspended, for instance.” 

 

As they took off out of the parking lot, Claire sighed. “I know, Dad. I should have tried to grab a teacher or something. They just wouldn’t let up.” She said. She brushed her hand through her long blonde hair. “I don’t like anyone saying anything like that about either one of you.” She said, and Dean nodded. She looked at him as they turned down the street the pharmacy and the grocery store was on. “Dad, how’s Daddy? Is he okay?” Claire was angry. She was angry that he’d gotten attacked like that. And she knew it could happen to anyone, but the fact that it was because of Balthazar’s goons really made her crazy. They were supposed to be done with all of that. 

 

“Are we in danger, Dad?” 

 

The fact that she had to ask that really irked his anger. Dean looked at her as they stopped at a stop light. “No, Claire, we are not in danger. I will not let anything happen to any of you. We will take care of this. Jodi will make sure we’re safe.” Dean told her. Dean sighed. “I don’t want you to worry about that. Just trust me and you’ll be okay.” He said, and Claire nodded. In no time at all, Dean had picked up Cas’ medication, the ice cream, and some pizza. It was lunchtime and he was starving. Dean pulled into the driveway and they headed inside. 

 

Jamie was awake and crawling all over the living room. As soon as he saw his father, he wanted “Up, up!” Dean handed the pizza off to Claire, who managed to juggle it with the ice cream and pills, and went into the kitchen. Dean reached down and picked up Jamie, and Cas moved to greet him as well. Dean kissed him and they all headed into the kitchen. Dean bounced Jamie on his hip. “We got some pizza, because I’m starved. And you have to eat with your medication.” Dean told him, as Claire put away the three cartons of ice cream and put some paper plates on the table. Dean got some sodas out, and put them on the table one handed. Jamie was hanging on tightly, and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to put him down. So he sat down at the table with the baby on his lap, reaching for a plate. Claire filled it with some pizza for him before she sat down to get her own. 

 

Cas got Jamie out a bottle and handed it to him before he sat down to get his own pizza. He read the bottle of tranquilizers before he got one out, and took it with his soda before he filled his plate. “So Claire, what were you fighting with other kids about?” His expression soured when she told him what the other girls had said. He looked at her. “I love that you were sticking up for me, but Claire, you can’t let yourself get suspended like that.” He said. Cas filled his plate with pizza. After he’d taken a bite, he looked at Dean. 

 

“I heard from the hospital, they rushed the tests.” He said, and Dean sucked in a breath. “I’m clean.” He said, and Dean let the breath out in relief. Cas wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I’m so relieved. I was worried.” Cas had been. He really didn’t want to get an STD. Especially because he didn’t want to pass it on to Dean without knowing it. Not that he was going to be ready to have sex any time soon. He wasn’t. Only because this was bringing up all the feelings he’d had from the last time this had happened. Cas had honestly thought he was doing better with it, and maybe he had been, but this was setting him right back where he’d been in high school. 

 

Reaching out and squeezing his arm, Claire said, “That’s great, Daddy.” She was quiet for a moment. “Ben’s probably going to talk to you about things. He knows something is going on, and he has something going on himself.” She said, and they both looked at her, even Jamie, with his mouth wrapped around his bottle. “I can’t tell you what it is, but it’s nothing bad.” She was quick to tell them. She couldn’t out Ben, even if she knew they would understand and not say anything until he said something to them. She just couldn’t, not to another member of the community. Even if he’d been completely horrible to her for months. She supposed she got it, even if he had been wrong to do it. 

 

Meeting his husband’s eyes, Cas nodded. “Okay. Although he did ask me this morning if anyone was sick. I told him no. Because he was worried about someone dying.” Cas said, and Dean let out a breath as he reached for more pizza. Jamie put his empty bottle down on the table, and Dean handed the kid one of his toys that he could play with while sitting on Dean’s lap. Cas took another bite of pizza and was quiet while he chewed. “I told him no one was dying. Dean, I think we need to ask him about Lisa. He’s still got her on his mind. And he’s never really talked to us about how he feels about it.” 

 

That wasn’t a surprise to Dean. “I will ask him. Or we both can.” Dean reached for his soda, and as he did, Jamie squirmed to get down. He placed him carefully on the floor. “Don’t go out of sight, Jamie.” He said, and the baby looked up at him with an innocent look on his face. Then he just smiled and dragged out his xylophone, and began to play with it. Dean gratefully stood to get another soda. “I didn’t want to force him to talk about it, I remember what losing a mother feels like and I didn’t want anyone asking me about it, either.” 

 

Of course, he’d been four years old. Ben was more than four years old. Dean sat back down. “We’ll at least give him the option of talking about it.” 

 

Cas nodded, and was lost in his own thoughts. He knew that he was going to have to talk to Dean himself about what he was feeling. He just didn’t know what he was going to say. Cas knew that Dean didn’t really know how to be there for him. He wasn’t going to blame him for that. He’d never been through it. Cas knew though that he was going to do his best to be what Cas needed though. He knew that Dean was also going to do his damnedest to make sure that none of them were hurt again. And Cas really had to believe that he could do it. Cas wasn’t going to stop feeling scared anytime soon. The guy was still out there and Dallas was a huge place. 

 

That evening, after the kids were in bed, they were cuddled on the couch, watching  _ How I Met Your Mother _ reruns. Dean had just gotten off the phone with John, he’d realized he’d never called him back and he had wanted to just rip that bandaid off while he could. Cas was wrapped in Dean’s arms, and Dean was holding him a little tighter than he might have any other time. Dean was stroking Cas’ arm. “So, are we going to not talk about this?” He asked, turning his head slightly so he could look at his husband. “If you aren’t ready, okay. But I want you to know that you don’t have to hold anything back with me. I know you know that, but I thought you might need reminded.” Dean kind of wanted to talk about it, but he also knew that he couldn’t force his husband if he wasn’t ready. 

 

“You just need to know that I’ll do whatever you need me to do. And you might have to help me, because I don’t know what to do to help you. I wish that I did.” 

 

Cas leaned up and kissed him softly. “No you don’t, baby. Because you’d have to have been through it yourself.” He sighed. “I don’t really… it’s not that I don’t want to tell you what I’m feeling, I just can’t talk about it right now.” He just wanted to enjoy this time with his husband. Cas looked at him. “I don’t… I just want to be with you.” He said, and Dean nodded. Cas hated that they had all of this to worry about. They shouldn’t have to worry about someone being out there to get revenge on them. Cas hated all of that. They’d been through enough in the time they’d been together. Cas’ eyes brushed with tears and then buried his head in Dean’s chest. He couldn’t help it. Thinking about almost losing Dean and then John was hard for him to think about right now. 

 

Letting him cry it out, Dean rubbed Cas’ back. He brushed his lips over the top of Cas’ head. He didn’t know how to fix this, and he hated it. Dean was someone who tried to fix things. And he hated it when he felt helpless. And he knew that Cas did as well. Dean just wished that he could get him to talk about it. He knew that would help a least a little. “It’s time for another one of your pills. I’ll be right back.” Dean said, and kissed him once more before he headed into the kitchen. 

 

Cas watched him go, and wiped his eyes. He knew better than to think what else could go wrong. Because then they’d find out exactly what would. 

  
  


**_Author’s note: Ya’ll can thank all of the Destiel fanart and vids I saw the past week or so for this update. If anyone’s still reading, that is. I’m sorry for the graphic rape. I wasn’t planning on it at all. It just kind of happened. I did the tag warning thing. I have no idea what will happen next, other than I’m probably going to add Ash as well. I hope that ya’ll are hanging in, and I will update ASAP. Especially once I catch up on the episodes, I’m sure._ **


	4. Give Me A Reason

Chapter Four: Give Me A Reason

 

Four weeks later, Cas was alone in the house, waiting for Jo to come over. The kids had gone out to do something with Dean and Sam, and Cas was trying to not have a panic attack. There was some new Me Too thing on the news, and he had thought he’d be safe, he was watching E! News. Cas didn’t know what he was going to do if he couldn’t calm down. As far as he knew, Jo didn’t know what had happened that night. Cas had managed to keep it out of the papers, the fact that he was now a Winchester had helped immensely. Cas didn’t want to have to tell her. He didn’t want to talk about what was wrong. He hadn’t even talked to Dean about it. It wasn’t that Dean hadn’t tried, he had. Cas just wasn’t ready to tell him how he felt. 

 

There was no end to the nightmares, he woke up every night with the aftermath of one. Dean had only woken with him a few times. And that was mostly because they slept entangled together. Cas was dressed for the first time in weeks, and he’d showered. Dean had been making him shower, but this one he had done himself. He felt a little better, something about having a reason to get dressed and clean made him feel better. He was ordering some Mexican food, he and Jo were going to eat and hang out. Cas felt like they hadn’t gotten to hang in awhile. 

 

This is when the doorbell rang, and Cas moved to get it, working past the lump in his throat. He could do this. He went to let Jo in, even though he’d told her that she could use her key. He and Dean wanted Jo and Sam to think of their house as theirs too. Cas gave her a smile when she walked in. “I just ordered some Mexican food. What do you want to watch first?” He did his best to make his tone cheery. 

 

Jo looked at him. She knew something was wrong with him, and she wished that he would tell her what it was. She knew something had happened, because she knew that Sam had gone out to help Dean and Cas get back to the Impala. But she didn’t want to press anyone, especially Sam. She knew that that would end up bad with him and Dean. They had a tendency to lie to each other and Jo didn’t want to come between the two of them if she didn’t have to. “Sounds good. I don’t care, whatever what you want to watch is fine with me.” She told him. 

 

It was nice to be with Cas today. She felt like they hadn’t gotten to hang out in a long time. Although it had been Ben’s birthday the week before, and they had been talking awhile while the kids had been playing. Jo also knew that Ben was getting ready to come out. He had confided in her. She had told him to tell his parents. Jo knew that they would be supportive, and she knew that he knew that. But she couldn’t say that she understood how he felt from personal experience, because she didn’t. She’d never questioned her sexuality, she had always been straight and she knew. Jo had kind of always been in love with Sam, even if they didn’t hook up until after he’d gotten into college and lost Jessica. 

 

Cas moved to make them some margaritas. He had gotten them set up so they could get drunk and silly. Since they weren’t driving anywhere, it was a good idea. He added some mix, tequila, and ice to the blender and turned it on. “I think we need to let loose and get drunk.” He told her, and she gave him a soft smile. Cas let it mix up well and then grabbed some glasses. “I’ve got some ice cream too, for when we’ve eaten.” Cas picked up the blender to bring with them to the living room. He put it down on a pot holder on the coffee table and pulled up Netflix. 

 

“I’m glad we get to hang out today.” He said, and he meant it. He signed in under his and Dean’s name, and they cycled through the categories for awhile. “We can’t do  _ The Walking Dead _ , because Dean will kill me if I watch without him.” Dean loved that show, the bad guy reminded him of John. Cas thought it was cute. Plus, Andrew Lincoln was gorgeous. Cas wouldn’t say that out loud to Dean, but he also knew Dean wouldn’t get jealous, they didn’t think it was cheating to think celebrities were good looking. Not to mention, they trusted each other. 

 

Jo sipped her drink. “I don’t like that show anyway, Negan creeps me out.” She said, and they both laughed. They both knew why Dean watched, and it was for Negan. Jo settled back on the couch. “What are you going to do for your husband’s birthday? It’s in a month.” Jo knew Dean was a bit freaked out about turning 37, but she knew it wasn’t a big deal and so would he. His was a spring birthday, May 24th. Jo didn’t know what Cas was planning, but she knew that he didn’t want it to be a big deal. “You shouldn’t do something huge, because Dean hasn’t really been that about birthdays since he got past thirty, since 40 isn’t that far off.” 

 

That was something he hadn’t considered. He turned on  _ Pretty Little Liars _ , they both liked the drama and it wasn’t real for them, so it was fun drama. Cas sipped his own drink. “I know he doesn’t want a big deal. But I am going to take him to see Aerosmith.” He said, he’d gotten the tickets three months ago. “I know how much he loves Steven Tyler.” Cas had to admit, he’d had a crush on the man most of his life. He loved Aerosmith. “I know he’s not thrilled about turning 37. But honestly, he’s such an old soul.” Cas himself was 39, and he wasn’t at all freaked out about turning 40 the next year. 

 

“Honestly, I don’t know what the family will want to do. I also plan to make sure we get burgers at a place Dean loves. I know my man, he’s not a fancy person.” Cas loved that about Dean. He was definitely an old soul, and he also was who he was unapologetically. He hadn’t freaked out at all about falling in love with Cas. He had just owned it. Dean was who Cas was meant to be with, he was sure of it. 

 

Meanwhile, the kids and Dean and Sam were at Dave and Busters. Even Laura and Jamie. Dean was holding Jamie and watching Ben play some games. He was killing it on some car racing thing. Jamie was looking around at everything with wide blue eyes. Dean was just waiting until they could get burgers. He was still playing his PS2 at home. Dean was old school when it came to most everything and that included video games. He bounced Jamie on his hip, and Ben cried out in an expletive when he lost. “Hey, no f word.” Dean said. “You know I don’t mind otherwise but your brother can hear you.” 

 

He was wondering when Ben was going to tell him that he was gay. Dean had figured it out, he’d seen some boy walking with Ben at school a few days before. He knew that that was what Claire knew about him. Dean handed Ben some more change, so he could play again. Dean wondered if he could bring it up with Ben, see if Ben would admit to it. Dean didn’t want to force him though. He’d also seen that kid kiss Ben’s cheek. He knew that something was going on. Dean didn’t care, and he knew that Ben should know that if he didn’t already. “You got anything to tell me?” Dean asked, moving around to see Ben better. Sam, Claire, Frankie, and Laura were off playing somewhere else. So it was safe if Ben wanted to open up about something. 

 

Ben looked at his father before he put the money in. Jamie wasn’t paying attention, he’d caught the sight of a Wreck it Ralph game next to them. He wasn’t sure why his father was asking, and he didn’t know if he wanted to tell him about Jesse. “Um, no?” He said, wondering what his father knew. Usually when he said stuff like that, it was because he knew something. Ben knew it wasn’t because of Claire, even with all the shit he’d given her, he knew that she’d never out him like that. Had Dean seen him and Jesse the other day at school? Ben was fourteen now, he was able to date if he wanted to. 

 

Sighing, Dean said, “I know that you’re gay, Ben. I saw you and that boy at school. I didn’t want to do it this way, I wanted you to tell me yourself. It’s okay, Ben. Gay, pans, bi, whatever. You know that. You don’t have to keep it from your father and me.” Dean knew that he couldn’t make Ben admit it now, but he wanted to make sure that Ben knew he could. “Whoever you are is okay. And if you need to talk about your mom… you can.” He knew that Ben wouldn’t talk about Lisa. Because he was like Dean, Dean never spoke about Mary. 

 

This made Ben’s eyes fill with tears immediately. He didn’t want to talk about his mother. “I don’t want to talk about her.” Ben said, shaking his head. He didn’t want to think about her. He turned to face Dean in the seat. He knew he should either play or move, but he had to calm down before he tried to play the game again. “You don’t talk about Mary.” He couldn’t call her grandma. He never had. Ben wondered what it would be like to actually have one. Lisa’s mother had died when he was born, and of course he’d never really gotten to know Ellen. “When you talk about your mom, I’ll talk about mine.” He said, and he saw Dean’s wince. He hadn’t meant to hurt him. He just didn’t want to talk about Lisa. 

 

“But… I think I am at least bi, Dad. I have… I think I have a boyfriend, Jesse Turner.” Ben didn’t know if that’s what they were, but they’d been hanging out a lot. “He’s a little older, 15.” He hoped that that wouldn’t be a problem with Dean. “He still can’t drive or anything.” He hastened to add. 

 

Dean bounced Jamie again, who was starting to get hungry, he was sure. He reached into the diaper bag to get out a bottle for him. He took the cap off and put the bottle to Jamie’s mouth, who began to drink eagerly. “You don’t have to hide it from us. Bring him over, if you want. We can have it just be me and your father, if that’s easier for him. Meeting the whole family can be kind of intense.” He wondered if that had been a problem for Cas, although his husband had never seemed to have an issue with being with his family. Dean just wished that Cas’ own family had been as welcoming as his was. He knew that it was hard to be without your family. Dean would never not miss Mary, Bobby, and Ellen. 

 

“You shouldn’t have to hide who you are, Ben. I don’t want you to think that there’s anything wrong with you. You know that there isn’t. And I’m going to have to meet him before I say for sure you’re allowed to date him, but him being only a year older than you is okay. You already know that I will ground you for the rest of your life if you get into trouble.” Dean adjusted Jamie better so he could eat more easily. 

 

This is when Dean’s cell phone rang. He had to work quickly to answer it, and Jamie had to hold the bottle himself, something that he did know how to do. He pulled the phone out and answered it. Someone asked for Dean Winchester, and he said that was him. Then he heard some medical professional telling him his son Cory Winchester had been in an accident with his mother. The mother had died and Cory was in critical condition. Dean wished he could rub a hand over his face, this was not what he’d expected, but he shouldn’t be surprised. He’d had a lot of sex with a lot of women in his youth. “Okay. I will be there. Can you tell me how old he is?” He asked, knowing how that sounded. 

 

“I wasn’t aware he existed, or I’d not need that information.” Dean told her, and she told him the boy was seventeen. Dean sighed and said, “What hospital?” She told him, and he told her he would be there as soon as he could and hung up. “Okay, I’ve got to go and be at the bedside of a son I did not know about. Always use condoms, kid.” Dean told Ben. “Can you take Jamie so I can let your uncle know I’ve got to leave?” Dean was so glad that they’d needed to bring two cars. Ben took his baby brother and the diaper bag, and Dean texted Sam to find out where he and the other kids were. 

 

About an hour later, Dean was at the hospital, and they’d pointed him out to a room with a dark haired olive skinned kid. He wasn’t as dire as they’d told him on the phone, he was awake, and his leg was in a cast. There were a few cuts and bruises on his face, and a big bandage on his forehead, that his black curls had fallen over. Dean knocked on the door and the kid looked up from the book he was reading. “I’m Dean.” He said, and the kid gave him a slight nod. Dean came in and sat down on the armchair by the bed. “So, I’m your dad.” He said, wondering how much the kid knew. He rubbed a hand over his face. “I wish I could say that I was surprised, but I’m not. I used to be a playboy who slept around a lot.” Dean said, the boy was looking at him with wide brown eyes. He looked half Latino, Dean wished he remembered the mother. 

 

Cory looked at his father. He’d always known that Dean Winchester was his dad. His  _ mami _ had never let him contact him or let him look him up to find out if he was still in Dallas. “My…. they told me  _ Mami _ is gone. So does that mean I’m coming to stay with you?” Cory asked. Dean gave him a nod. “Do I have a stepmom? Siblings?” He asked, he wanted to know what he would he be getting into going to live with his dad. He listened as his father told him he had a stepfather, two sisters and two brothers. Cory’s eyes widened. “That’s so cool though. What’s Cas like?” He asked, wanting to know everything about his stepfather. 

 

“Cas is a great guy. He’s a writer, and we met and it was pretty much love at first sight. We’ve been together ever since our one night stand.” Dean said. “Although technically it wasn’t, I was drunk and he didn’t want to take advantage of me.” He said, a soft tone in his voice. “We’ve been together almost two years. I was… I knew Cas was the one because I had a heart condition, and I was really sick, and we hadn’t known each other longer than a week or two, and Cas stayed by my side. He never left once. We actually got married in the hospital.” Dean loved to talk about how he and Cas met. “It’s so weird, because we met in my sister in law’s mom’s bar. And we’d both been going there for a long time separately and we didn’t meet for a long time. There’s so much more to tell you, so much more that we’ve been through. But seeing as what you’ve just been through, I won’t tell it to you all now. We’ll get to it in time. I spoke to the nurses, they said that they’ll let you go tomorrow, as soon as they are sure that your concussion is gone. You are actually not supposed to fall asleep.” 

 

This was all something Cory hadn’t expected to hear when he did meet his dad. So his dad had a husband. Cory thought that was pretty cool. He wasn’t sure if he was straight or gay or what. He was kind of open to whatever happened, and he supposed that meant that he was pansexual. “Okay. What about my mom? She’s my only family… who is going to handle the funeral?” Cory didn’t know what to do. He had never met anyone in his mother’s family, she had always told him they didn’t want to know her. So that meant that it was just him. He didn’t know how to do any of that. 

 

“I can handle it, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember your mother. I wish that I did. I didn’t used to be a good guy. I know that. I probably didn’t give her any reason to let me know about you. Your sister Frankie, that was the same kind of thing. And your brother Ben. I promise you, I’ll do the best I can to be your dad. I’m getting pretty good at it if I do say so myself.” He said, giving him a sly smile. Dean didn’t know what Cory’s mom would have wanted. “Do you know what your mom wanted?” He asked, he’d been through losing a mother at a very young age, and so he’d be able to commiserate with Cory about suddenly not having a parent in your life. 

 

This Cory didn’t know, so Dean said he would just go ahead and set up a funeral and when Cory was released from the hospital they’d go and get his things so he could come home with him. Dean had already let Cas know about Cory, that had been part of the hour in getting there, he’d not been that far from the hospital. He’d been able to tell that Cas was drunk, so he knew that he might have to tell him again. “I should go get a start on all of that, and visiting hours are actually ending. Are you going to be okay if I go?” He asked, he wouldn’t feel right about it if Cory didn’t think he’d be okay. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll be okay. If you promise you’ll come back tomorrow.” Cory said, which Dean did promise to do, and they had a half hug. 

 

A week later, Cory was settled into his own bedroom, in between Claire and Ben. They had a lot of bedrooms. Although when Jamie was old enough to move out of the nursery he’d be sharing a room with Frankie. Who absolutely didn’t mind. She loved playing with Jamie. They had about six months, and then he’d be able to move out. Dean wondered if they were going to use it one more time as a nursery, with Cory, Cas might be full up at kids. They had five now. Dean was making dinner, they were having lasagna. It was cheap to make (like they had to worry about that) and fed lots of them. He was busy putting it together. Ben, Claire, and Cory were in the family room, Ben and Claire were working on homework. Cory would be starting school the next week. Dean had had to have him transferred from his old school since he moved in with them. He was out of the district. 

 

Frankie and Jamie were in the kitchen, Frankie was helping set the table, and Jamie was crawling around playing with Dianna. He loved that dog. Cas was upstairs, either sleeping or working on his book. Dean wished he could get him to talk about things. He’d been drawn in and closed off lately. Dean hated that Cas had had to go through being raped again. The cops were no closer to catching the rapist, either. Dean knew that that wasn’t helping either. Dean finished putting the lasagna together and slipped it in the oven, along with some garlic bread. 

 

This is when Cas came down, looking bleary eyed. He went straight to the fridge and got out a Coke. Dean looked at him. “Hey, baby.” He said, his tone soft. He moved to kiss him. Cas was freshly showered, but he hadn’t put on clothes, he was wearing one of Dean’s old Black Sabbath tee shirts and a pair of sweatpants. Dean liked when Cas wore his clothes. “I just put dinner in the oven. You’re going to eat today, right?” He asked, his green eyes looking into Cas’ blue ones. Lately Cas had been trying to avoid eating if he could. Dean knew the day that Jo had come over had been just to hide to Jo that he wasn’t really eating. But he couldn’t hide things from Dean. They were married. 

 

Staring into his husband’s green eyes, that reminded him so much of emeralds, Cas wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to eat. He wasn’t hungry. He’d lost ten pounds since he’d been raped again. Cas only ate when Dean was watching. And since Dean went to work, he didn’t eat during the day. Cas knew that Dean knew that, he was the one who was sleeping wrapped entangled around him at night. When Cas could sleep. Which wasn’t often. Cas bit his lip and took a drink of his Coke. Dean’s arms were still wrapped around his waist. He knew what he had to say. Because Dean would know if he was lying. Cas sighed. “Yes, I’m eating.” He said, tears gathering in his eyes. 

 

Burying his head in Dean’s neck, Cas heard Dean tell Frankie to take her and her little brother to another room, and they ran off to the living room, presumably to mess up the room where they took guests when they came over. At least it wasn’t the family room, since the older kids were doing homework. Cas said, his voice muffled, “You didn’t have to do that, Dean.” He knew it was because Dean was going to try and get him to talk. While Cas appreciated that his husband cared, he didn’t want to talk about things. It wasn’t going to make him feel any better. 

 

Dean tugged Cas to the table, so he could still drink his Coke. Dean sat down in a chair and Cas sat in his lap. He sipped his drink. “Cas, I know you don’t want to talk. But you should try at least. I am so sorry that I couldn’t have stopped this. You have no idea how much I kick myself because I wasn’t faster getting outside to you.” Dean felt a lump forming in his own throat. “You’re my husband, and I love you. And I should have been able to protect you.” Dean hated this, he hated that Cas had to feel like this again. Dean had looked up the stats, and once you’d been abused once, it was very likely that you’d be attacked again. Predators knew what to look for. 

 

“You have to try and get some of this off your chest, baby. You aren’t eating when I’m not around, and I know how much alcohol you drink when you can get away with it. You aren’t going to get a lecture from me, except about the eating. You have to eat. You aren’t going through this alone. You’re going through this with me, and the kids. You think the kids don’t notice that you’re hurting? Because they do. Claire and Ben are old enough to know that something is wrong, and Claire knows exactly what it is. You’ve got the worried too. Even if Frankie doesn’t know what it is, she knows something is wrong and she’s asked me why you’re sad all the time.”

 

Cas lifted his head so he could look Dean in the eye. “No. This is not your fault. I want you to know that. You didn’t know this was going to happen. I love you so much. You do protect me. Things still happen.” Cas wiped some tears from Dean’s face. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and he was a bit scruffy. Cas loved when he was a bit scruffy. He bit his trembling lip. His eyes were full of tears. “I don’t….. I’m sorry that I’m making you all worry. I don’t want to do that. I just, I thought I was done with this years ago. It happened and I went through the therapy, and despite a few times when I get flashbacks, for the most part, it’s been okay. And now….” 

 

He didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Cas took another long sip of his Coke. He didn’t really know what to do. “I don’t…. I don’t know what to do. Dean, I am really trying to get through this. I know it doesn’t look like it. But I really am. I love you, and I love the kids. I just, I’m having a hard time forgetting how it feels. You know that I don’t want to be stuck. I want to move forward.” He said, finishing off his Coke and putting the can down. 

 

Leaning out, Dean kissed him. He’d meant it to be a soft tender kiss, but Cas knocked it up to NC-17, kissing him deeply and reaching his hand into Dean’s pants, his hand rubbing Dean’s cock. Dean gasped against Cas’ lips and kissed him back. When the kiss broke, he called out in a strangled voice to the kids to keep out of the kitchen for a bit. Glad that the door was closed. Dean wasn’t able to say more, Cas had moved and was working Dean’s cock out of his pants. He got on his knees and took him in his mouth, and Dean was choking back a cry. Cas took him in as far as he could, and his hand played with Dean’s balls. Where Cas had gotten the idea to do this Dean wasn’t going to question. 

 

Sucking him until Dean was having some precum, Cas pulled down his pants enough and straddled Dean, using the precum as lube and eased Dean into his entrance. Dean gasped out loud as his cock slid into Cas. Cas wasn’t usually the bottom. Dean assumed it was because of the abuse. Cas liked to be the one in control. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ hips as they moved together, and Cas leaned to kiss him. Dean’s hand moved around and started to stroke Cas’ cock, trying to match the hip movements they were both making. “Oh fuck, baby…” Dean managed to say against Cas’ lips. 

 

It was quick and fast, and Cas and Dean both were going to have to change clothes, Cas came all over both of them. Dean reached up with both hands to cup Cas’ face. “I love you. I love you so much. You have done so much for me, and I want to be able to be there for you and do the same kinds of things for you. You just have to let me. I’ll never be able to make up for the things that you do for me, but I want to try. I know I’m not good enough for you, and I never have been. Fuck, we just got  _ another _ of my kids. I always tried to use a condom, but I’ve got three kids that are mine because I couldn’t keep it in my pants.”

 

Dean started again before Cas could cut in. “Don’t tell me that I’m good enough for you. Because I’m not and I know it. I am the luckiest man in the world because you fell in love with me. I was never with a guy before you. But you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know you know that, but I think you really need to hear that right now. You are the love of my life Castiel Winchseter. You love me and you took my family into your life.” 

 

Cas pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips, as they both worked themselves back into their pants. “Dean, you have saved me in so many ways. You gave me a life that I never thought I was going to get. I know you think you aren’t good enough for me. But you are. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I wouldn’t make it through anything without you. I would be dead without you, Dean.” Cas knew this was true. Because if he hadn’t this family and Dean he’d have killed himself this time. He knew he had to say that part out loud. Dean had to know. “Because without you and the kids, I’d have killed myself that night.” He said, and Dean’s green eyes widened and filled with tears. 

 

“But I do have you and the kids. I’m trying to get better for all of you. I would be dead without you. You are that important to me, Dean. You make me want to keep breathing. Don’t you ever again say that you aren’t good enough for me.  _ I’m _ not good enough for  _ you _ .” Cas knew Dean would disagree with that, but it was true. As far as Cas was concerned.

 

Dean moved his hands down to Cas’ shoulders. “Castiel Winchester, I want you to promise me right now that you will never even consider killing yourself ever again.” He said, and Cas nodded. Dean was crying as he spoke. “Because I couldn’t make it if I lost you. I couldn’t and neither could these kids. I can’t make you want to live, but you have to try for us. For me. I’ve lost so much of my family already, and I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Dean was crying too hard to talk anymore, and they wrapped their arms around each other, the oven timer going off. 

 

Sniffling, Dean said, “I’ll get that and we can go up and change for dinner.” Cas nodded, and they both went up to change, asking Claire to get the dinner out of the oven. 

 

The following morning, Claire was the first of the kids up, and she went downstairs to find Cas in the kitchen. “Hey, Daddy.” She said, and moved to get a bowl of cereal. “So, you going to tell me how you feel about what happened?” She asked, arching an eyebrow as she sat down with her bowl of Fruit Loops. “Because I know that something happened and you won’t talk about it even with Dad. He told me what happened Daddy. And I know you don’t sleep much, and I know how much you’re not eating.” 

 

The fact that Claire had noticed all that was not a surprise to Cas. She was a very observant child. “Claire, please. I’m trying. I know that you think I’m not. But your father and I talked about this last night. I’m going to try and do better.” He said. Cas was sitting there with his laptop. He’d actually been working on his book. He’d been up since four, he and Dean had gone to bed about ten, and he’d slept, but he’d woken up at four and couldn’t go back to sleep. It was now seven. The kids had an hour and a half until the bus showed up. Since Cory didn’t start school until the next week, he was going to help Cas keep an eye on Jamie and Frankie. 

 

Speaking of Frankie, she came running downstairs. When the fall came, she’d be starting kindergarten. They’d discussed starting her in preschool and had decided against it. She hadn’t been ready to be away from home like that. Cas knew it was because she’d lost her mother, and was still getting used to having a stable family life. “Morning, kiddo.” Cas said to Frankie, who reached for her stool and reached up to get her Cocoa Puffs. Claire usually helped her with the milk. This time it was already on the table. Frankie slid into her booster seat and Claire poured her milk. “Morning Daddy.” Frankie said. “Papa said he’s coming down too.” She told him, and Cas knew that once the kids were out of the kitchen they were going to talk about how Cas wasn’t sleeping. 

 

She dug into her cereal, and Claire put her bowl away in the dishwasher and moved to make a fresh pot of coffee for Dean. Cas didn’t really drink coffee anymore. Since he wasn’t sleeping much. Claire wished her sister could have slept at least a half an hour later than she did. Claire wanted to talk to her father. Everyone had taken Ben’s being with a boy in stride, all Frankie had asked was if they kissed like Daddy and Papa. Ben had blushed and they’d all had a laugh. Claire and Ben were also getting along a bit better, he’d started to relax as he realized that his family wasn’t going anywhere. 

 

The front door opened, bringing Sam. He was going to take the kids to school. “Hey, guys.” Sam said, and noticed how gaunt Cas’ face looked. Sam moved to sit down at the table. Dean came into the kitchen, and Sam said, “Oh, Dean, close your robe.” He had no desire to see the boxer briefs Dean was wearing. Dean didn’t even try to blush and closed his robe. Sam listened to the coffee percolating and looked at Claire. “Why don’t you go and make sure Ben’s up for school?” He asked her, and she shared a look with him before she moved to go upstairs. Frankie excused herself to go and watch cartoons. 

 

Dean picked up her bowl and put it in the dishwasher, getting out some eggs and bacon. “Cas, you’re eating breakfast whether you like it or not.” He said, as he got out a frying pan. “Sammy, you want some eggs?” He asked his brother, who shook his head and said he just wanted coffee. Dean said, “Fine, jerkface.” He watched the coffee dripping into the pot and groaned at how slowly it was going. He added some pam to the pan and then began mixing up the eggs in the bowl. Dean looked over at Cas. “Oh, babe, were you working?” He asked, he wasn’t going to talk to Cas about his insomnia with Sam here. He knew that Cas wouldn’t want to. 

 

“Yes, babe, I was writing.” Cas said, and knew he’d have to eat breakfast. He caught Sam looking at him, and he met Sam’s green eyes. “Morning, Sam.” He said, wondering how long it was going to be before they made him speak to John. John had done his tour in the special victims unit, it was a requirement for all cops. Most of them opted to do only the two years, John had done six. Cas knew that John would know how to talk to him if he wanted to talk. Cas just wasn’t sure that he could talk to him about it. Since it involved the rape. Cas thought of John as his father too and he just wasn’t sure if he could get through a conversation like that with his father in law. 

 

Glancing at his brother, who was adding the eggs to the large pan, Sam then looked at Cas. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay for me, Cas. I know what happened. You don’t have to talk about it, but you don’t have to pretend to be okay.” Sam moved to go and get some coffee, since it was finished percolating. He poured himself a cup and then one for Dean. He knew that Cas wasn’t drinking coffee lately. Dean had told him, and Sam could only guess it was because he wasn’t sleeping so well. Sam wasn’t going to make Cas talk about that either if he didn’t want to. 

 

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Cas.”

 

Before Dean could add his two cents, the phone rang. He picked up the house phone, it almost never rang unless it was school for the kids. “Hello?” He asked, and was surprised when he heard a voice he hadn’t heard in years. It was Ash. “Ash, what the fuck, man? Where have you been?” Dean asked, Ash had gone to high school with him and then a couple of years after he’d just been gone. Dean had always wondered if Ash had had a crush on him or something. It was just a feeling that he’d always had. 

 

“Hey, Dean. I thought I’d tell you I’m back in town.” Ash said. He had had a huge crush on Dean back when they were kids, and he had had to get away because he knew that Dean would never feel the same. Then he heard Dean had a husband. Ash was kind of curious and had to meet the husband. Ash was staying in a hotel for the moment. He’d made a lot of money working for Apple. He had sold his place in California and was now back. He knew that he wasn’t going to get Dean, he wasn’t going to honestly try, but he had to find out why it was this guy. Why it was this guy that Dean had finally come out for. Ash had been sort of keeping in touch with Jo, and she’d let him know the last time they’d talked, which had been about a month ago. 

 

“I also hear you’re married.” Ash said, giving Dean the opportunity to tell him it was a man. 

 

Dean stirred the eggs with the spatula and added the bacon to the other pan. “Yeah, to a man. Castiel Novak. He took my name. Why?” Dean asked, he knew that Ash had had a crush on him and was asking to see if he was married for that reason. He wanted to see if Ash would say that was the reason. He knew that he wouldn’t, but Dean had to see if he could get him to. That was just how their relationship worked. “Garth is still in town, by the way.” Garth and Ash had had an off and on thing all throughout high school. Dean wanted to put Ash’s ex’s mind on his brain. Remind him of what he’d had. Garth still wasn’t seeing anyone seriously and he knew that he’d be glad to know that Ash was back. 

 

That was news to Ash. “Well, I haven’t spoken to him in years.” He said, he knew that was Dean’s way of changing the subject from his marriage. “Is he with anyone?” Ash asked, doing his best to make sure to not sound like he was curious. That would give Dean the win. And he was trying not to do that. It was always a power struggle with them. Ash was one who enjoyed it, and he knew that Dean did too, even if he didn’t want to admit it out loud. 

 

“No, he’s not with anyone. He’d probably be glad to hear from you. Why don’t you call him?” Dean said, and hung up. He was kind of mad now. He knew what Ash’s intentions were, and he didn’t want the other man to cause contention in his marriage. And Dean knew that if he let Ash meet Cas, that’s exactly what it was he was going to do. Dean finished cooking and placed a plate in front of Cas, being quiet as he sat down with his own. He was going to end up thinking about this all day, and he had enough on his plate at the moment. Fucking Ash. 

 

_ Lost from the start I might as well be on the moon _ __   
_ Much colder than I thought even in the month of June _ __   
_ No communication makes you feel so alone _ _   
_ __ All we need is patience in which I’ve never really known

 

_ But now it’s too late, it’s taking over me _ __   
_ It feels so supernatural and I’m pulled the other way _ __   
_ It’s more than I can take and I’m losing hold of everything _ __   
_ And no matter how I try you know I can’t deny _ _   
_ __ ‘Cause you feel so supernatural

 

_ Through the atmosphere I’m seeing _ __   
_ Glimpses of the past I’m leaving _ _   
_ __ Holding on for life as we collide

  
  
  


**_Author’s note: So, I had this started for awhile. Sorry it’s taken a bit to update. I swear, Ash will not cause trouble for Destiel. As much as he might like to. Garth and Ash will probably hook up. And a talk with John and Cas is coming. Only because they love Cas and want him to get better. Not sure what will happen next, other than a surprise pregnancy. I won’t tell you who. And I SWEAR, Cory will be the last of Dean’s kids from his past. If they have any more, it will be him and Cas who adopt. I SWEAR. Cory’s PB is Tyler Posey because he’s a precious baby puppy and I love him. He might not be the last secret child, however. ;)_ **


End file.
